PETA Member Busted for Recreating Super Monkey Ball Stage in His Driveway

B Miggs on March 13th, 2008

Well, this story really hits home. A PETA worker has been arrested and publicly beaten after turning his front lawn into a dangerous simian obstacle course. What nerve! His monkeys, Scrunchy and Chia Pet’s Son have been captured and contained by local authority figures. “Have you ever seen that movie ‘Outbreak’?” asks a neighbor. “Yeah, well it was just like that. But with more balls! The whole neighborhood stunk like monkey shit in a hamster ball. I said those exact words to my wife. She didn’t believe me! Now guess who’s picking up the kids from soccer practice while the other one sits at home watching Orange County Choppers gripping a can of Natty Ice. That’s right ‘honey’! Pass me a cold one and scoop up the brats! Scoops!”

Despite the traumatic events, the chimps were luckily unharmed and actually seemed to be more upset that Sega has spent the last few years totally fucking up the Super Monkey Ball franchise. The PETA worker was released back into his natural environment (the comments section of Youtube) where he resumed his lifestyle of making wildly hypocritical statements, boycotting mousetraps and fighting against the dairy industry while still justifying his chocolate eating habits as a “guilty pleasure.”