Richard
ManOfTeal
Doc Phil
Massouken
Charro
Headlines, agent b, funeral, sega, sonic
Green Hill Zone - The gaming world joined hands today to collectively skip out on the recent passing of shitty Sonic the Hedgehog side character, Big the Cat. Doctors have yet to confirm the cause of Big’s death but inside sources say he most likely died of fail. When asked for comment, diabolical villain Doctor Robotnik replied “Who the fuck is that?”
23 comments 
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08.30.2008 ,
at 6:08 pm
I can tell you all hate the Sonic franchise. Please burn with fire before I f-smash you off my internet. : (
Thank you.
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09.13.2008 ,
at 7:53 pm
Big The Cat was voiced by the same dude that voiced Duke Nukem. I’m just sayin’…
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10.20.2008 ,
at 12:03 pm
I thought it was funny. You guys are just spoilsports. No one can deny their hatred for Big the Fucking Retard Cat. It killed me when I had to put him in my party in Sonic Chronicles.
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12.29.2008 ,
at 11:03 pm
“but inside sources say he most likely died of fail.”
Learn how to write. First lesson: fail isn’t a noun, dumb ass.
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12.30.2008 ,
at 12:21 am
@Poochy
Welcome to the internets.
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12.30.2008 ,
at 10:14 am
Second lesson:
“When asked for comment, diabolical villain Doctor Robotnik replied “Who the fuck is that?”
I believe you mean Dr. Eggman, Agent B.
Grow up, get with the times, stop writing like a goddamn 4channer. and the site will be a whole lot funnier for it.@ B Miggs
I believe you mean welcome to the internet. Unless you and I would actually meet in person and you would say “internets” at which point I would slap you and ask if you are mentally challenged.
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12.30.2008 ,
at 10:34 am
@ Poochy
How’s NetZero treating you to those blazing fast internet speeds? They’ve clearly got you on the cutting edge. -
12.30.2008 ,
at 11:49 am
I’ll “get with the times” when modern day Sonic the Hedgehog game development does. Until then, I will refer to the franchise’s core characters as they appeared in their golden age. It’s like still referencing Bo Derek in the movie “10″ when she’s clearly hovering around the 7 range these days. Take it as a compliment! And Poochy, “fail” and “internets” are both popular web memes, the latter being accidentally sparked by George W. Bush himself, in all of his idiotic glory. Haul your furtive slap threats over to his direction.
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12.30.2008 ,
at 12:08 pm
I am fully aware that “fail” and “internets” are popular web memes. I also know that they originated in the 4chan image boards, where fifth-grader and pedophile alike join hands in abandoning all intelligence.
Fortunately I’m mature enough to know that just because something is popular with people way younger than I am—and I’m looking at you, Jasper—doesn’t mean I have to do it just to look cooler than I really am. My “furtive slaps” as you call them are just me pointing out what a complete tool you appear to be when you abandon your sense of proper grammar usage for the sake of a quick joke or two. After all, it doesn’t take much brain power to think of the phrase “made of fail”. If we have truly entered an age where even my own peers no longer care when they are butchering the english language, then I fear for the future of this country. If people MY age are such douchebags, what about the future leaders of this country…the kids that are no doubt reading this article as I speak?
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12.30.2008 ,
at 12:14 pm
First of all Poochy, I do not or have I ever typed the word “internets” but that doesn’t mean I don’t condone the use of the term on a blog about comedy.
This isn’t CNN or a forum off of Vibe.com so why don’t you take your disgust with grammar to another site where its more deserved.
Actually, you should just write for us. You’re hilarious. -
12.30.2008 ,
at 12:22 pm
I could write humor, if I tried.
The key word here is TRY, something that this website rarely does. I get what the joke is supposed to be; Big the Cat is annoying as hell, and the write is a bitter, disgruntled ex-Sonic fan. But any write, in my opinion, even if he is writing humor, loses all credibility when, for lack of imagination, he resorts to using verbs as nouns. -
12.30.2008 ,
at 12:33 pm
Here’s just an example of what the sentence could have been as opposed to what it is:
“Doctors have yet to confirm the cause of Big’s death but inside sources say he most likely died of various frog-related STDs.”
See what I did there? I played off of one of Big’s actual characteristics—his borderline creepy affection for his pet frog, Froggy.
VS.
“Doctors have yet to confirm the cause of Big’s death but inside sources say he most likely died of fail.”
Even if fail was a noun, the joke wouldn’t be very clever. He died of fail? You could only mean that he fails as a character, which breaks the fourth wall of the fake news story you’re trying to report, and doesn’t take into account the fact that you’re writing for gamers, not literary critics who would inherently oppose the perceived flaws in Big’s character. No, to say that Big’s character fails is needlessly complicating the joke. The real joke is that Big is irritating; he is slow, and his goddamn fishing game sucks ass. If you’d actually think about why you hate him so much and play off of these traits instead of summarizing everything as a “FAIL” (as if fail is a noun), this article might actually be funny.
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12.30.2008 ,
at 1:07 pm
Holy fuck, seriously? This article is almost 9 months old and it’s about a fictitious blue cat who goes fishing. You’re getting way to involved in this. Do you want me to rewrite it and include your paltry frog S.T.D. joke? Because I won’t. If you want to write for us, send us an email submission.
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12.30.2008 ,
at 1:49 pm
isn’t Poochy the dog with attitude from the Simpsons? You are really living up to your reputation. Message board flame war to the xxxxxxxtreeeeeme!
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12.30.2008 ,
at 1:57 pm
“This article is almost 9 months old and it’s about a fictitious blue cat who goes fishing. You’re getting way to involved in this.”
Blah, blah, blah. Ad hominem nonsense. The fact, plain and simple, is that this is a video game humor site. If you don’t approach the subject matter with a certain degree of seriousness, you might as well quit the site and be posting joke images to 4chan instead. People know these characters. Don’t be bitter because I actually wrote a joke that was funnier and more relevant to the character than yours.
“Do you want me to rewrite it and include your paltry frog S.T.D. joke?”
The word “paltry” doesn’t mean much coming from someone whose idea of humor is pointing out how certain old Nintendo Power illustrations vaguely resemble sexual poses. You either (A) really don’t know anything about the 3D Sonic games and therefore do not get the frog STD joke, or (B) really are pitifully trying to dodge the fact that my joke is better more relevant to the game itself than yours.
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12.30.2008 ,
at 2:02 pm
By the way everyone, Bowser isn’t Bowser, it’s King Koopa. Princess Peach, isn’t Peach anymore, it’s Princess Toadstool. Because this writer lives in the past, does very little research and refuses to acknowledge the intelligence of his audience. It doesn’t matter if you’ve played the Sonic games, for instance, and you know that Dr. Robotnik is really called Dr. Eggman or that he knows who Big the Cat is and wouldn’t use the word “fuck” even if it were to ask who Big the Cat is. That’s what this sad, unimaginative little write thinks is funny and that’s what you’re going to get. And if you don’t like it, OMG EPIC PHAIL.
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12.30.2008 ,
at 2:09 pm
“Your Distinguished Source for Video Game Comedy”
Ha! The juvenile, profanity-laced humor of this site reminds me quite a bit of Seanbaby.com, except Seanbaby always went the extra mile with his jokes and didn’t use verb > noun substitutions and villains talking out of character as a substitute for actual humor.
Comedy 101:
http://www.seanbaby.com
http://www.collegehumor.com
http://www.homestarrunner.com
http://www.brawlinthefamily.com -
12.30.2008 ,
at 2:12 pm
I’ll leave it to the rest of you to pick apart my comments while Agent B still fumbles for a legitimate response to my one-upping of his joke (or lack thereof).
Peace out.
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12.30.2008 ,
at 2:38 pm
Nah, I still think your joke was worse.
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12.30.2008 ,
at 3:43 pm
@Poochy if you think you could do better why not submit an article for consideration to info@the-minusworld.com? I’d actually consider doing art for something you wrote if its funny. You could use your talents for good. Think about it.
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12.30.2008 ,
at 7:22 pm
Poochy - Did you have a shitty Christmas? I can’t fathom someone getting so worked up over us calling King Koopa “Bowser” or vice versa. And I for one don’t approve of the idea of this bumbling sweatpants-wearing desk jockey who spews BS about what is proper grammar (on the internet, on a comedy blog) when he keeps leaving the “r” off “writer” doing anything for the site. The last thing I want to spend my precious time on is going through his more than likely awfully written and conceived articles tacking on an “r” to a variety of words. We’ve got motherfucking poetic license to do whatever the hell we please, be it calling Bowser “King Koopa” or “Big Angry Turtle Guy.” What’s your reasoning for your grammatical inaccuracies and general ineptitude? Pro tip: Complaining that it’s because your parents are siblings doesn’t count.
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12.30.2008 ,
at 9:47 pm
wait..I think a Poochy is that extra stomach fat dudes get that rests directly above their pubic area. I would be all aggro too if I had to walk around with a Poochy. You don’t even get to wear cute jeans that show off your man silhouette.
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01.2.2009 ,
at 7:24 pm
Lol, Poochy is a total idiot. Who gets pissed off about little things like that? He probably lives in his parent’s basement and fantasizes about someday being the internet dictator that kills all humorists on the internet. Kind of like what Hitler did to the Jews.
