By Paperboy

Hey there gamers and gamerettes! Paperboy here with some hot tips for the information age. As many of you know, my old job wasn’t the best one. I was charged with the seemingly simple task of delivering content to a neighborhood community of newspaper subscribers. Sounds like a great way to pick up a few extra bucks as a kid, right? Wrong. Motherf*cking WRONG.

As a blogger, I can blog at my own pace and publish content when I feel like it. There are few, if any repercussions if I decide to take a break. My readers are loyal enough to know that a quick time-out doesn’t mean i’m leaving them in a state of naked panic for eternity.

As a Paperboy, stopping my bike route for even a moment incited local bee swarms to attack me viciously until I died.

As a blogger, the subscribers of my RSS feeds will sleep well knowing that my words of wisdom will arrive in their desired software safely.

As a Paperboy, my newspapers shattered or stunned everything that wasn’t a mailbox or a front porch, causing my subscribers to run from their homes into the street to beat the shit out of me.

As a blogger, a high volume of traffic is a healthy and exciting thing.

As a Paperboy, traffic is composed of every car looking exactly the same and perpetually trying to end my life.

Verdict: FUCK being a Paperboy. Spam e-mail and a programmer’s gut are an absolutely tolerable trade-off for pedaling up that block of psychopaths every day. Catch me runnin’ thangs on the internet from here on out.

I’m ecstatic that print is dead, it’s been trying to kill me for years.