Yeah, It’s Not That Easy For Me To Get On A F*cking Plane Either

Bomberman on April 28th, 2008

By Bomberman

Was that pathetic Bob-omb sympathy story you idiots posted last week supposed to be some kind of tearjerker? He’s a bomb with legs and eyes, of course he shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near an airport. I, on the other hand, am a bomb connoisseur. A master craftsman in the art of the circular explosive. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to bring them on a f*cking airplane. You don’t see famous Parisian chefs marinating quail and sprinkling foie-gras on the shitty in flight dinner box, just like you don’t see the lead singer of Creed break out into an impromptu pro-Jesus ballad set to awful late 90’s alt-rock guitar medleys when the flight attendant asks you to buckle up. So following that logic, you won’t see Bomberman on a plane with a bag of bombs at my disposal. They judge me by my name, stare at me, harass me, search my luggage..it’s totally belittling. Maybe they’re just racist against my head gear, which is a pattern they seem to have perfected with other ethnicities.

It’s bad enough my day job only consists of constantly exploding mazes filled with hell-bent cannibalistic peers and nauseating chippy background music, but traveling to them means I have to sit on a Greyhound bus with every other flight risk and aviophobic in the country. You let Rob Schneider movies on planes but not the 12th most iconic voice deprived video game character in history? F*ck this, I’m moving back to Japan. On a rowboat. I can’t promise it won’t blow up.