Frank
Toastmaster
jakeoff
cubansamurai
ALeks_M
Rampage, explosions, guest blogger week
By Rampage Monsters
So we were just eating Cool Ranch Doritos and watching the news, and apparently we’re the biggest terrorists in the entire world according to our dickweed ratshit lunatic of a President. It seems the ever-intelligent, globe encompassing, back of a retard’s binder scribbled plan known as the “war on terror” has expanded to include pixelated monsters who starred in a shitty video game from 1986. Great! That’s exactly how we wanted to spend our retirement. It’s bad enough being dollar store knock-offs of King Kong and Godzilla and having to share an apartment with a a giant werewolf who pees the fridge, but now we can’t even even buy beer without some redneck trucker calling us “sand suckin’ space queers.”
They’re even merchandising this! Anything to keep people scared and buying ice cream like normal, right? Hey wasn’t there an actual terrorist out there who was deemed a threat until we collectively forgot his name? Yeah, maybe you should go after him again. This whole “using us as the world’s scapegoat” thing seems like a really big waste of time and money. There’s no way to be polite about this: Your whole administration has the intelligence of a night of Gallagher’s stand up comedy. We’re going on the news to straighten things out…
THE CITIES WE DESTROYED WERE NOT ACTUAL PLACES. They were based on actual places, that doesn’t make them real. When a 6 year old ricochets a ball off of the mini recreation of the Empire State Building at the 7th hole of Nutz n’ Putz Mini Golf, a window at the actual Empire State Building isn’t shattered in result. That’s because things don’t work like that. Besides, did you see the types of places we “rampaged?” Like anyone would care if “Peoria, Illinois” was eradicated off the face of the planet. Just let us be video game has-beens in peace, you mental assholes. It’s completely stupid of you to….oh great…Werewolf just shit the couch again. We gotta grab the Pledge, we’ll deal with you idiots later.
3 comments 
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04.30.2008 ,
at 7:22 am
LOL… awesome!
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05.2.2008 ,
at 10:56 am
Cloverfield was the adaptation of this game.
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11.4.2008 ,
at 12:54 pm
This article is great! Bush would condone continuing the war on terror on video game monsters. “This strategery makes all the difference!” — G.W. Bush.
