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Archive for May, 2008
It seems the dog of Duck Hunt fame has quite the lucrative side business going for himself. Apparently he’s living lavishly in Chinatown selling our kills back to us at a pretty penny, laughing in our faces from behind his glorified prairie scene of a Chinese Food Restaurant. Hope you like the crunch of pixels in your hoisin sauce!
Read on
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More: B Miggs, duck hunt, nintendo, pixel parodies, retro
Never satisfied with what hardware manufacturers have to offer, gamers tend to take the design aesthetic portion of things into their own, slimy, talentless hands. That’s nice and all, but the results are usually pricey, bulky, and most importantly, absolutely atrocious. But mere words cannot describe such artistic debauchery, so let’s get on with the show.
Two Screens One Touch DS Lite
When life gives you memetic coprophagia pornography, don’t make dual screened, shit stained lemonade out of it. Just shake your head in disbelief like the rest of us did and try to wash away the painful memories.
Ciao friends!
Stallio is travel the beach of Southern New Jersey and make blog from most expensive toplap compute in existing and just is wanting to make surprise hello to fans after see this art box of game known as Men Cleaner Whipping Shop! This game being would be very popular in my home country where Ferrari is like extend of dick in driveway. But in Italy whipping shop, we having no need for dog so giant! Look like polo bear with Robbing Williams disease from movie Jaque! Once time back home Stallio try making electric bang on polo bear rug skin. Lady not impress! She leave in the night to great loneliness and she never return.
Ciao friends!
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More: STALLIO, new releases
And on the 7th day after getting their test console back from the repair shop, Microsoft created the Xbox360, a powerful behemoth in the online console gaming scene. But with the power of X comes great responsibility, and thus the 10 Commandments of Xbox Live were created. It is of utmost importance that one follows these rules, as they are the codification that binds our gamertags in joyous, prosperous gaming unison.
VS.
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More: casual gamers, jasper, nintendo, wii
Ever been stuck in a game before? What did you do to get unstuck? If you answered “ran to the store and bought Apple Jacks” kindly put your entire head into the box and hold your breath. While you’re in there, silently read everything printed inside it. If luck is on my side and Apple Jacks currently has a marketing deal with the makers of Crash Bandicoot, you’ll be in there for a long time. Nobody has ever learned anything important from the corrugated inner fathoms of a cereal box, unless they were searching for the perpetually soul crushing chain of failure known as “Sorry! Please Try Again!” If “secret” cheats like “tap A to jump” and “collect fruit for health” actually up your game, you should try be aiming for bigger things in life. Like the window seat on your developmentally retarded school’s short bus.
Ciao friends!
Today Stallio take a very adventure discovery! I make checking of recent account bank and find many more than expect! Stallio bicycle trip to game store for making game buy and trade. Learnings of recent purchase here!
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More: STALLIO, new releases
Hey kids! Do your parents waste away their lives melting in front of a television, slowly sinking into the couch as their rapid neglect for your upbringing parallels their increasing knowledge of how many twirls Mario Lopez did last night on Dancing With The Stars? Then buy them BOB, you dumb yatch! BOB was originally invented to keep you, the ruckus bringing youth of today, from enjoying too much television in a single time period. You see, at some point your parents decided that nothing they could do or say would stop you from watching TV so a friendly box top robot was created to succeed where they failed: parenting and discipline. What does BOB do? He monitors your hours spent with anything that has a screen and promptly shuts it down after you’ve spent what your worthless parental units deem “too much time.”
Well that’s nice and all, but your parents are actually consuming more media than you are these days so aren’t they the ones that need the policing? After all, they’re so inept at raising you that they hired a robotic replacement so maybe it’s time to do the same for them. Scrounge up some couch change, hustle some Pokemon cards and purchase BOB for your parents television. Set it to shut off during any of the 47 minute time out breaks during your average NFL game or right before Eva Longoria announces what STD she has this week on Desperate Housewives. With less TV to compete with, you’ll win back their attention in no time. Then maybe they can actually get back to doing what they should’ve been doing the whole time: raising you themselves.
Today Nintendo sent us what they’re calling “the ultimate contoured advancement in motion-wear.” I have no idea what that means, but we bet it would look fly on your ma dukes so we asked her to model it for us. What we found was a surprisingly fit slick-suit of ergonomic Wii fetishism (not shown is the giant B button on that fat ass of hers.) I guess if the Wii itself was a social lubricant used to lure unexpecting dates and the elderly into your den of depravity, the Wii body suit should let you do the same thing at Walmart, the beach and anywhere else where such a ridiculous outfit would be acceptable in public. The crotch-spot placement of the power button makes me never want to see the men’s version.
