Frank
Toastmaster
jakeoff
cubansamurai
ALeks_M
namco, pac-man, pixel parodies
After over 62 thousand spin offs, ports, rehashes and cash-ins, I, the iconic video game legend Pac-Man, have reached my breaking point. Namco, give it a goddamn rest. I’m basically the National Lampoons of video gaming. A once heralded superstar who has devolved into bottom shelf shovelings on a Best Buy clearance rack. It was bad enough being a caged animal, trapped in a perpetual maze where I was chased by haunting spirits and fed pellets and fruits to survive like an Acme lab rat. But the level of perverse derangement I endured hasn’t stopped there. Now I am forced to drive go karts, dress up as a pinball, and fight atrocious camera controls in awkward 3D environments. I’m suing my creators, I want full control of my likeness and character back. Those terrible games they forced me to star in don’t even begin to scratch the surface of all the horrible crimes that Namco has beaten into me over the years…
Last year, at the company Christmas Bingo Jingle party, Namco president Takeo Takasu (which ironically, sounds a lot like Take-A-Your-Asshole) got me drunk and lured me to his jock region. My signature waka-waka-waka voice effect was permanently damaged as a result. When I got home, construction workers and scientists had just finished turning my house into a never ending loop of a torture chamber, making it so that attempting to walk out my front door only resulted with me appearing at my back door and vice versa, forcing me into this hell forever. And yeah, not only do I see dead people, but I hunger for them. How f*cked up is that? If anyone is reading this, please free me from this torture. I gotta go masturbate with a red bow on my head.
1 comment 
-
11.20.2008 ,
at 3:53 am
FUNNY! but maybe… Nintendo got a new NS at 2009 with bigger screen - “for older gamers”, as they told.
Maybe…
