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Happy Endings Senior Citizen Home, Knee Jerkens New Mexico - Crusty old stalwart Finstine F. Cauldronbottoms was reportedly furious today as he attempted to watch a video for bloody video game Gears Of War 2 on Gametrailers.com. The site apparently utilizes a drop down menu system to input your date of birth but oddly peaks at the year 1900, blocking out the literally dozens of gamers born in the year 1899 (and earlier.) Finstine had just taken a 14 hour train to an Internet Barn where he and his horse planned to spend a candle lit evening watching trailers for video games but instead ended up peeing themselves in disbelief when they discovered he was too old to view them. When asked for comment, GameTrailers told us “These archaic assholes grew up playing kick the can, if they could even afford a can. The graphical power of modern day video games would make their f*cking heads explode. And that would be gross. Die already.” More news on this story as it slowly progresses and slightly shrinks while experiencing growth in its ear and nose regions, loses control of its bodily functions, and ultimately devolves into a train wreck of senility that moves to Florida and drops dead at an afternoon screening of a Robert Redford movie.
1 comment 
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05.13.2008 ,
at 5:37 pm
lol…
candle lit dinner with his horse?!?!….
