Comic: EA Plans To Record Madden Commentary Until The Day He Dies

agent b on June 3rd, 2008

Maitland, Florida - Fearing imminent heart failure, butter cancer or self induced cannibalism, EA has placed football legend John Madden on 24 hour, fully recorded supervision. Madden, who is also known for taking out his fear of flying on small birds by stuffing them into each other, helped make EA a shitload of money by agreeing to be the iconic face and voice of their annual NFL game that mostly idiots play. Since his disgusting dietary habits could prove fatal, EA is taking no chances.

“We’re gonna sit here with him and record every single line of speech his blobulous mouth cavity emits until he eventually croaks, and when that happens, we will record the sound of that too.” whispered boom mic operator Trip Hawkins as he slyly parted his eyebrows. Gamers can look forward to such fantastic one liners as “Shit! Where’s my bedpan?” and “tell Joe Namath I love him” accompanying all the bone crunching tackles of Madden 2019. Which, incidentally, will be exactly like the previous 30 iterations but will now feature a “choose your helmet” mode.

In related yet unrelated news, we will now unveil a wacky new web comic that ironically pokes fun at John Madden’s fear of flying and penchant for nonsensical quotes while simultaneously referencing the video game industry. It also features reused art assets and a recycled punchline. Enjoy!