Massouken
CursedGRL
FernFTW
Pan Deterson
toastmaster
agent b, racism, resident evil
Ever since the next installment of the zombie slaughtering “Resident Evil” franchise was announced to be taking place in a remote country in Africa, white people everywhere took to message boards in protest. The initial idea for Resident Evil 5 pitted the player against African villagers, a concept that didn’t sit well with pointlessly sensitive gamers who had become so used to fighting predominantly light skinned fictitious video game zombies all their lives. The game’s creators promptly responded last month by releasing a new trailer which featured a slightly more diverse batch of enemies but alas, detractors were still not satisfied. That’s why today, Capcom has released an exclusive first look at the now equal opportunistically racist Resident Evil 5: White Guilt, an all out onslaught of undead stereotypes and obvious ethnic jokes in poor taste.
Capcom has also revealed some gameplay details thanks to this stolen manual scan of the controller layout:
BONUS:
A partial achievement list has leaked as well and should equally please exactly nobody:
So hopefully the entire planet has been universally represented in a negative manner. Is everyone happy now?
8 comments 
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06.19.2008 ,
at 3:05 pm
Day one purchase! I also heard one of Chris Redfield’s secret costumes is a redneck outfit, complete with a grain of wheat dangling from his mouth. Thank you Capcom for ensuring RE5 offends us all equally.
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06.25.2008 ,
at 2:42 pm
That is actually just a rumor. I spoke to one of the programmers and got the following inside scoop:
There is a “black-face” costume un-lockable by sprinkling crack on 100% of the corpses in the ‘Post Katrina Louisiana’ Level.
If you go too long without killing some of the women in the Puerto Rican Day Parade level, their front gut jiggles and you get infected with “unknown STD” which will slowly reduce the player’s health, but will not show up on your status screen.
There are several mini-games hidden through-out. Some include A guitar hero-like Dueling Banjos in The Bayou, (win or get raped), and Duck Hunt in China-Town.
For a real challenge, if you can find and kill Elian Gonzalez (look for the poster of Fidel Castro in the “Zombie in SoBe” mission)you can unlock the ‘Cuban Refugee’ hidden costume. Chris will now be wearing 1970’s Basketball shorts with a wife-beater, inner tube, and attack chicken.
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06.25.2008 ,
at 2:46 pm
The really sad part about my comment… is that I say it jokingly (taste-lessly I will admit), but some people do believe in those stereo-types…
go to some of the… “out of the way” places in our country… and you’ll talk to people who still think that way.
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08.2.2008 ,
at 2:52 pm
People are fucking idiots. I remember when that whole “RE5 is racist and only suburban white kids care about it” thing happened.
And now, judging from the E3 footage of RE5, Africa is populated by Mexicans. Look closely at the live demo of RE5 from E3, all the zombies are Mexican…
Also, apparently it’s racist to kill black zombies but it’s NOT racist to pretend black people don’t exist and only have white zombies?
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08.2.2008 ,
at 2:58 pm
@Cubansamurai:
What the hell are you talking about?
Some people believe that you can unlock costumes in games by sprinkling crack on dead people?
I’m not even going to get into why the rest of your “jokes” were stupid. Your attempt at making racist jokes was a failure my friend, especially since you apologized for it 4 minutes later…
Also BTW it’s not called a “front gut” it’s a “front butt”. Why would you have to call it a FRONT gut? The gut is always in the front….
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09.17.2008 ,
at 9:25 am
u dum ass its not raisices or how ever u spell it
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10.14.2008 ,
at 12:30 am
sorry im going to buy this one too
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10.26.2008 ,
at 7:45 pm
lol @ cubansamurai of his failed attempt to be the next dave chapelle
