Pan Deterson
CursedGRL
FernFTW
toastmaster
Richard
dig dug, jasper, namco, pixel parodies
Final Stage of Dig Dug, New Jersey - The elusive corpse of Jimmy Hoffa has finally been unearthed by gaming’s most legendary excavator, no less. Dig Dug’s nameless protagonist took a break from looking like a Smurf in a Klan robe to mine the legendary Teamster out of the ground. Sadly, Hoffa’s oft-rumored riches were nowhere to be found, although he did reward the player with an 8,000 point score usually associated with a pineapple fruit bonus. When asked for comment, Namco was too busy f*cking Pacman’s corpse to reply, but notorious Sicilian Mob boss Stitchy “The Taint” Kavuto was more than happy to give his condolences. “He was a monster, this guy. Once he took care of that thing with that guy down at the thing with the aquarium with the bookie with this guy with that thing, we knew he was a made man. May he rest in peace now that he ain’t down there with them dragon snakes and the red mask lookin’ f*cks that one would usually associate with them underground tunnels one would usually find in your typical level of Dig Dug, if you catch the draft of my ballzones.” We don’t, Stitchy, but at least this mystery has finally been solved. The only mystery left to crack is why anyone found Dig Dug enjoyable to begin with. That game sucks!
1 comment 
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12.20.2008 ,
at 9:41 am
I was always told by my father that Hoffa was buried at the Co-Gen plant down from Giant stadium.
