Frank
Toastmaster
jakeoff
cubansamurai
ALeks_M
army, call of duty, die in a fire, explosions, jasper
How on earth did we hit that $482 billion deficit? One might blame it on Bush, or the spiraling economy due to 9/11, or the never ending war in Iraq. I’m going to blame it on The Virtual Army Experience. Take a look at vae.americasarmy.com if the site’s not down due to overwhelming American pride.
Costing $9.8 million to operate last year, the exhibit f*cks Neo Geo’s expensive corpse on top of a 3DO. So for the price of 24,500 PS3s, you too can own a Virtual Army Experience! Good thing I got my economic stimulus check. Too bad I spent it on Master Chief knee pads and my Shia LaBeouf Transformer Trapper Keeper. The experience travels to amusement parks and county fairs, no joke, to help recruit more “players” into the Army.
Basically a game of Call of Duty played inside of an immovable Hummer on a big screen TV, the game runs on 80 barrels of oil every 20 minutes and requires players to burn a Canadian flag to enter. Michael Moore effigies are burned hourly for the kids too young to hold up a rifle. Each game lasts 20-45 seconds; the equivalent life expectancy of an actual soldier in battle. And when you kill enough terrorists, your high school sweet heart gets flown overseas to you, naked, so that you can screw her in Sadam’s master bedroom while video taping the whole thing on your camera phone. And then all the Natty Ice in the world magically turns into bottles of High Life. And your ole furry pal Scraps comes back to life after the day he fell out the bed of your moving truck.
Ok, none of that is true because I’d rather test a mouse trap with my dick than step foot in that “attraction.” At least you can finally call shotgun and actually get it.
2 comments 
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07.29.2008 ,
at 4:56 pm
I’ve been trying to formulate a post about this, and I gotsta say you totally nailed my sentiments. And after seeing your views, I will definitely accept your marriage proposal. We should plan a website wedding date.
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07.29.2008 ,
at 6:38 pm
I think I speak for everyone here when I say that we’re thrilled to hear it. I’m partial to fall weddings myself. Our websites will produce some amazing baby sites…let’s just hope they get your looks.
