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Archive for August, 2008
Exciting news from The Minus World Laboratories! After extensive research into the fuel sources that power gamers, Recreation Manager/Ball Buster B Miggs has made a discovery that will change the way we think about drive-thru windows. Brew Thru! You can buy beer from them in North Carolina! There, we said it.
When you’re done picking your jaw up off the floor be sure to enjoy this weeks links. We’ll be busy drinking moonshine and replacing Jasper’s sun tan lotion with BBQ Sauce!
Virgin Goodness!
Donkey Kong Announces Retirement from Adventuring
20 Unbelievably Bad Drawings Of Sonic The Hedgehog
Senator McCain: “100 Years” Possible in Ongoing Geometry War
Nintendo, I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down
Ask The Minus World: A Letter From Eddie Cheznard
Plusses and Minuses: Ninja Gaiden Dragon Sword
Balloon Fight Pilots Found Selling Nitrous Oxide At Grateful Dead Shows
Sloppy Seconds!
Resident of the “Evil” Building Complains About Noise Pollution Late At Night
Color Blind Man Can’t Figure Out Why His 360 Won’t Start
GameStop Not Accepting Collected Days Of Not Having Sex As Store Credit
Top 5 Tips To Meeting Girls On Xbox Live
Frogger Accidentally Dissected In Middle School Science Lab
Have a great weekend!
- The Minus World Team
P.S. Give some juicy comment lovin’ to our new writers this week, they worked their asses off!
Kong Country, San Diego Zoo - The bananas were ripe but somber today as longtime Kongfather, Donkey Kong, announced his retirement from adventuring this afternoon to a gathering of media and gaming figures. Both friends and former enemies were in attendance, including Mario Mario, Shigeru Miyamoto, and Donkey’s longtime media assistant and girlfriend, Pauline.
Pauline was on hand to provide emotional support as well as translate Donkey’s grunts and fecal slinging. “Donkey would like to thank you all for coming out today, he is touched by your- please baby, not in public, that smells- he is touched by your compassion and support.”
Donkey stated that he has found all the bananas he will ever need, and wants to retire while at the top of his game. “While he feels like he could keep doing this forever, he wants to quit while he’s still fondly remembered, instead of creating board game spin-offs and half-baked sequels.”
Pauline was interrupted at this point when a red shell shattered against the wall behind Donkey. No one stepped up as the aggressor, but Mario Mario was spotted leaving the event later with feces and banana peels all over his overalls.
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More: Sean Curry, donkey kong, nintendo
In an announcement that seems years in the making, Sega has finally conceded in the battle against good art. That’s right, the guys who created such memorable video game icons as Big The Cat have given up and left the creative work up to their fans. A recently revealed contest shows Sega on their knees, begging for some art assistance from the last few loyal Sonic fans on earth, promising that their work will be featured in the cut-scenes of the upcoming Sonic And The Black Knight. Just make sure you hurry up and get your fingerprints and doodles in by September 12th! After all, what would a Sonic game be without it being rushed in every aspect? But wait, as much as we’d love to mock Sega for the generally atrocious art direction they’ve taken their mascot the last few years, would their fans be any better? The answer to that question is a giant, bold “NO” spray-painted in hot pink across the pearly gates of a manga convention. In fact, we’re even willing to back up our claim with visual evidence. So hide your children and hang on to your pantaloons, the 20 worst examples of Sonic The Hedgehog fan art are about to punch you in the goggles.
At a town hall meeting Tuesday evening in Preville, MD, U.S. Senator and presumed Republican presidential candidate John McCain tread on thin ice after stating that American operations in the Geometry Wars “could continue well into the twenty-second century.” Answering a question from a local homemaker about her son’s extended deployment deep into two-dimensional space, McCain noted, “Despite critics’ objections that the so-called Second Geometry War is un-winnable, signs of progress are prevalent.” He cited new strategy options and “up to four simultaneously deployed vehicles” as potential advantages for U.S. forces.
Artwork by: Tyler Bronis
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More: Ben Goines, Tyler Bronis, images, link, wii, zelda
Remember Kanye West went on that televised Hurricane Katrina fundraiser, carefully crafted his thoughts and then eloquently stated that George Bush doesn’t care about black people? Then Mike Meyers went all cross-eyed and opened a lemonade stand in his pants…. priceless. After looking over Nintendo’s holiday season lineup I wouldn’t be surprised to see Lil’ Wayne at a Bernie Mac memorial declaring that Shigeru Miyamoto doesn’t care about hardcore gamers.
Read on
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More: Headlines, Toe Fu, animal crossing, wii
Ryu Hayabusa ruthlessly slices up fiends on the Nintendo DS with his signature panache, but does the fact-paced Ninja Gaiden series translate to the touch-screen? Or is this just Ninja Training for Dummies? Hold on to your rice balls and sake - Ninja Gaiden Dragon Sword is on the chopping block this week.
Who knew these carnies would concoct a cover so clever? Answer: The Minus World. To all those balloon pilots out there you are officially on high alert. After some research into the back story of these unnamed aerial bandits as to what exactly funded the development of a game based on battling balloons, I found this single image. Proof, at long last, of the secret behind the legend.
This week, we’ve been pleased to bring on some new writers and artists over here at The Minus World (a more formal announcement about that coming soon.) We also had the honor of welcoming back an old writer who took our run-on sentences and spelling mistakes and turned them in to puppies and dreams! If we had our way, he’d drop out of college and write for us full time. Who needs a law degree when you can make video game jokes? The latter is clearly more lucrative and rewarding.
Hope you all had fun this week riding with these handsome devils from Dirty Jersey. We promise we’ll be nicer next week!
This week’s potential lawsuits:
High-Maintenance: An Explication On Competing Gender Roles In Video Games
Dateline Cabela’s: To Catch A Predator
Harmonix Announces “Rock Band: Sax Out”
Denis Dyack Returns Home To Learn He Is Banned From Everything
Live From The Leipzig Game Convention!
Plusses & Minuses: King Of Clubs
Animal Crossing Tragedy Exposed
Shia Lebeouf Cast In Zelda Movie
Good old family fun-times:
Don’t Get Chumpatized: Missile Commander Roy Schildt Speaks Up
5 Things That Didn’t Kill Gaming As We Know It, Just Like Wii Fit Won’t
The 10 Commandments of Xbox Live
Grand Theft Auto IV Activity Book For Kids
Super Smash Brothers Brawl: The Movie
Have a great weekend!
- The Minus World Team
