Frank
Toastmaster
jakeoff
cubansamurai
ALeks_M
too human, xbox360
Denis Dyack is not having a good week. After a decade of dedication, his magnum opus Too Human has been getting assaulted left and right. To make matters worse, he attacked his bread and butter (you know, informed, avid gamers) and was subsequently banned from popular video game forum NeoGaf. Nice job! Sadly, that was just the beginning of his epic quest to earn more notches of ban on his recent belt o’ fail.
Kicked out of the house? Oh snap, ‘Yack! Lesson be learned, husbands to be: Nordic cyborg sagas don’t exactly raise the kids or tend to wifey’s needs. Even the widows of EA employees don’t rock this level of tolerance for their bewildered bread winners. Has a company spokesman ever run a PR damage control campaign out of a Motel 6? Let’s find out!
Without a bed to sleep in, Denis jetted to the comfort of his true love, the “think tank” of his company, only to find a vacant row of abandoned cubicles and a dry-erase board painted with hatred. Can you blame them? They slaved day and night for years, only to watch their grueling programming slavery and endless, sleepless dedication get erased by their bosses’ cocky, outspoken idiocy. Who the fuck wouldn’t abandon ship at that point?
Relegated to nothing but his Nordic BMW Boat Car, Denis then found his thematic wheels towed and banned from the road.
Homeless, jobless, carless and heart broken, Denis cabbed sadly to a Canadian internet cafe to blog about his day, only to learn that every popular social networking/gothic poetry website had given him the ol’ 8===D too. What’s next, blacklisted by therapists?
On his last limb of hope, Captain Dyack looked to his Niagara locals to give him a bail of hay to rest in. Denis bribed government officials with the hopes of area revitalization, assuming there’s even an audience left for Too Human at this point. The townsfolk were not amused and voted on packing D D into a barrel and tossing him over Niagara’s tallest waterfall and into the abyss. Where will he magically appear next? Only time will tell. Stay tuned, gamers!
27 comments 
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08.20.2008 ,
at 9:06 am
The Too Human demo was hilarious.
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08.20.2008 ,
at 11:39 am
Wow, really? That’s so funny. You’re amazing. This = orgasmic. Journalists taking shot after shot at Dyack? Delicious. Oh, golly, after reading this, I can sleep well tonight. Thank goodness I don’t have to worry about people stooping lower than me to make fun of me, my company, my life, and something I worked on for over ten years. Thank goodness I’m not the websites that are taking their time to jump up and down and say, “Tee hee! You’re game might sell, but to us, you failed!” like the kids at the playground I drive by on occasion.
Ha ha. =|
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08.20.2008 ,
at 3:23 pm
Did he just call us journalists? Thanks. While I was on location covering the “Pesky Glass-Bursting Zombie Dogs” story I almost lost a leg and got infected with the T-Virus.
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08.20.2008 ,
at 8:20 pm
Pretty sure he just called you dickheads, actually.
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08.20.2008 ,
at 8:41 pm
LMAO, talking abouit being OWNED! Wow.
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08.20.2008 ,
at 8:48 pm
what a shameless pile of derivative internet crap. this is not anarchy. you are not anarchists. you are waving and screaming for attention, riding the wave of a pessimistic popularity. while negative reviews have grounding in opinion, personal attacks are nothing but acts of cowardice. diggbait. next.
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08.20.2008 ,
at 9:00 pm
If you think being called a “dickhead” is getting owned then you have obviously never have had the burn of getting your Nordic BMW boat car towed.
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08.20.2008 ,
at 9:41 pm
Is this some of this “sa-tire” I’ve heard so much about??
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08.20.2008 ,
at 10:57 pm
Wow. That was the shittiest thing I’ve read today.
Dyack might be banned from everything…..but you guys fail at everything. Especially being funny.
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08.20.2008 ,
at 11:41 pm
Dyack went above and beyond the call of duty and purposely acted like a douchebag for free press, and it backfired. Stop defending the guy - he’s a grown-ass man and knew what he was getting into when he started trolling message boards and making outrageous comments.
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08.20.2008 ,
at 11:50 pm
MAI BALLZ R ON FIRE!! GAAAAAHHHH!! SUCK ON MUH BALLZ TO PUT OUT THE FIRE! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
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08.20.2008 ,
at 11:51 pm
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08.20.2008 ,
at 11:52 pm
Wow, nice video.
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08.21.2008 ,
at 12:15 am
Great video and article.
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08.21.2008 ,
at 2:22 am
Man, who is that incredibly hot chick in that video Cap’n Sawfarce? I need to know. I’ve never thought of stalking anyone until I just saw the absurd hotness of that woman.
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08.21.2008 ,
at 3:31 am
pretty lame to jump on the dyack hate wagon just ’cause it’s the “in” thing now. juvenile and dumb. i’m dissapointed in you guys.
this whole dyack thing is starting to taste bad.
anyway, more trollish articles, more retarded kids reading your site.“MAI BALLZ R ON FIRE”, eh?
seems about right.
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08.21.2008 ,
at 6:52 am
Hahaha okkkkk then
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08.21.2008 ,
at 7:13 am
is just mean
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08.21.2008 ,
at 11:05 am
This isn’t funny, no one gives a shit about Denis Dyack, and the writer is a complete idiot and nerd
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08.21.2008 ,
at 2:03 pm
this is the most disgustingdribble ive ever read. imagine you doing ten years of hard work only to be ridiculed by the public for it? jesus get a life and have some decency.
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08.21.2008 ,
at 5:00 pm
How does it feel to be a dick, dick?
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08.22.2008 ,
at 2:52 pm
should re-think your articles in the future and let someone who has some sort of–oh, I don’t know–skill write them.
Terrible, terrible article. I will never visit this site again.
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08.22.2008 ,
at 4:07 pm
rofl. everyones defending a shitty game. well if the games so good why arent you playing it instead of looking at this? This guy insulted pretty much everyone and you’re still kissing his ass. Well, at least an educated person could tell. But hey, you guys are just being nice, right?
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08.27.2008 ,
at 6:51 am
Sure, Too Human is a distinctively average game. This, however, is a distinctively shitty article.
Try harder next time. Or maybe don’t try so hard. Either way, this article is uninspired, boring and unfunny.
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09.3.2008 ,
at 2:41 am
Whoever wrote this article is the Denis Dyack of this site. I’ll not be coming here again. What an absolutely load of drivel.
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09.9.2008 ,
at 9:35 am
Wow, simply wow. What are you guys hating him so much for? Did you get pissed dieing in Too Human too and just took extra steps to express your frustration other than on Xbox Forums? Or seeing Valkyrie for 500th time was a last nail in the coffin to start this campaign against DD? You guys are retarded retards. Your life is sad and you are nothing else but losers. Get a life a low life you are. Morons. Too human while is not perfect is still a great game. And you are a great morons!
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11.6.2008 ,
at 6:35 pm
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