Ryu Hayabusa ruthlessly slices up fiends on the Nintendo DS with his signature panache, but does the fact-paced Ninja Gaiden series translate to the touch-screen? Or is this just Ninja Training for Dummies? Hold on to your rice balls and sake - Ninja Gaiden Dragon Sword is on the chopping block this week.

It’s a little strange reviewing this title now, partially since it’s been out for a few months already and partially because of creator Tomonobu Itagaki’s recent sensationalist departure from Tecmo. The guy just wanted to get paid, and I respect that (after last week’s King of Clubs review, I’ve got some pricey hospital bills), but he also allegedly harassed a female co-worker. The allegation isn’t too far-fetched; I doubt the guy gets a lot of action, unless it’s from women who enjoy screwing guys who look like burn victims. Despite his scandalous past and questionable behavior, he can make a good game. Ninja Gaiden Dragon Sword proves it.

Ninja Gaiden Dragon Sword may lack some of the complexities of its console cousins, but as a handheld action game, it holds its own. It continues the story of Ninja Gaiden Black (I know, I know…what story?) and even manages to introduce new characters. It’s doubtful that you’ll care for these characters, however, as they mostly fall into the “annoying villager” category. It’s also doubtful that you’ll give a damn about the story, either. Here it is in a nutshell: Ryu’s apprentice is ninja-napped and he must set out on a quest to save her…and slaughter hundreds and hundreds of demonic aberrations. After a while, it’s easy to forget that your mission it to save anyone at all; killing monsters is the best part about the game, not some hackneyed plot about rescuing a ninja damsel. Thank you, Ryu, but your hime is in another shiro.

Surprisingly enough, the DS’ touch screen compliments Ninja Gaiden’s quick and vicious action. Yes, even jumping around and hacking out fiends’ hearts is easy. Ryu doesn’t have a laundry list of attacks and combos, but the pared down move set is sufficient. Of course, if someone sees you playing this game, they’re going to think you’re trying to destroy your DS. The amount of furious screen scratching required is immense; my co-worker agent b thought I was playing a turntable game and asked demanded that I let him try it. Before I could explain that I wasn’t playing DJ on my DS, he leaped at me and tried to scratch out my eyes. That’s just the type of effect Ninja Gaiden has on people - even if you aren’t playing it yourself, simply watching someone else play it inspires violence.

Plusses

Intuitive touch screen control requires you to become a stylus sensei. Luckily, slashing evil ninja and horrific fiends is simple, as is pouncing from wall to wall and rolling.

Screen-filling bosses. Sometimes you can get away with randomly rubbing the touch screen, but when you go toe-to-cloven hoof with these mammoth monstrosities, precision is key. Let down your guard and they’ll pummel you.

It’s a hardcore action games on the DS. We don’t see enough of these, and we need to see more. Ninja Gaiden Dragon Sword proves the genre can work on Nintendo’s money-printing handheld. Now put down that copy of Petz Catz 2 and buy this game.

Minuses

I beat this game in around 5 hours. Sure, I suppose that’s a lot for a portable game, but I was still left wanting more. Sparse unlockables did little to tempt me back into cutting up creatures in feudal Japan and extra difficulties will appeal only to the more masochistic gamers out there.

The action gets a little repetitive even though the game doesn’t drag on forever. Ninpo magic and Ultimate Attacks alleviate some of the repetition, but you’ll find yourself abusing the standard slash attacks to kill the majority of your enemies.

What’s with Ninja Gaiden games and crappy stories? Now, I don’t expect the video game equivalent of War and Peace, but the clichéd plots and characters present in the series are plain awful. It’s like Itagaki’s taking crappy story lessons from George Lucas while watching a Naruto marathon. Let’s hope the Ninja Gaiden franchise falls into the lap of someone with a bit more creative sensibility.