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Archive for September, 2008
In a police state where no whisper goes unheard and no knowing glance goes unwatched, drug trafficking must take to daring new heights in this year’s The Matrix meets Tony Montana thriller: Mirror’s Edge. Forced out of swank, club bathrooms and on to roof tops, you’ll need to blow just the right amount of cocaine to get your heart beating fast enough to jump off a building and impale yourself on a security fence. Do the wrong amount of cocaine and you’ll be high-fiving Chris Farley on a cloud.
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More: EA, Mirror's Edge, jasper
Not even a knight with a history of battling the undead can forever dodge the bony finger-banging touch of the Grim Reaper. It’s starting to seem like a weekly occurrence that yet another retro icon gets tightly tucked in for the big dirt-nap. This time we bid a final farewell to Arthur, the legendary bitch-slapper of ghouls, ghosts, and goblins.
While the Call of Duty series took a huge step away from its WWII roots and did a bang-up job at showing gamers what modern warfare is like, there are still some games out there intent on reliving the past. Brothers In Arms: Hell’s Highway revisits the ultimately doomed Operation Market Garden, which was supposed to end the war in time for the vets to go home and dress up as Santa for their kids. But you’re here for a video game review, not a history lesson, right? Well, suck it up, soldier; you’re going to learn something either way. Does Brothers In Arms: Hell’s Highway deserve the Medal of Honor or is it FUBAR, AWOL, and SNAFU?
As if dodging enemy projectiles, leaping over bottomless pits, and having to rescue their girlfriends ever year wasn’t enough shit to deal with, video game character apparently get spam emails too. Because the laws of the video games vary wildly between each game world, no programmer has been able to code a universally functional anti-spam client. Saving the world gets a little more difficult when you have to stop and delete all the garbage that gets forwarded to your Blackberry mid-warp zone. Our heart goes out to you guys, and remember, the minus world will never ask for your personal credit card account information. Unless of course you pass out at the bar and try and stick us with the whole bill. Then it’s on like Donkey Kong
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What a week of madness! We’re amazed we got anything done with the release of Mega Man 9 (more on that later.) Our d-pad thumbs are practically worn out, so bring on the medication. Also, big shout out to Javier at Xbox Customer Service, we’ll be hot air ballooning an RROD’d 360 to you soon. High five!
This week will be etched in the history tablets:
Ask The Minus World: Luigi’s Mushroom Treat
Hipster Holocaust: A New Game From Bizarre Creations
Hobo Harry’s Modern Game Review: Tetris for Gameboy
5 DS Games You Need To Avoid Like The Plague This Month
Developing Charity: When Game Developers Give Back To The Community
Sony Home Trashed When Sony’s Parents Go Up To The Lake
I Just Saved $30 By Switching To Beer Gut
Plusses & Minuses: Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (Xbox360/PS3)
Father-To-Be Practices Parenting By Leveling His Orc Mage
A Giant, Tangled Pile Of Minimalist Design Aesthetic
Previous works of genius:
Uwe Boll Acquires Movie Rights To LittleBigPlanet - To Be Released Late 2009
The Summer of Xbox Live Arcade - The Run Down
The 5 Most Embarrasing Moments Of Nintendo’s E3 Conference
5 LEGO Video Games That Will Never Happen
Thanks for visiting,
The Minus World
Wassup dudes and milfs! This is Cashton Toucher reporting live from the medical clinic where I get my dome drained weekly. No, not that you pervert! See, I was born with Aggravated Gargantuan Redundant Head Syndrome which has been the total opposite of awesome! Basically my forehead is proportionally gigantic compared to the rest of my body and I’ve just gotta use it to bonk unsuspecting celebrity victims so they can feel my tortured existence! My birth deffect also rewarded me with the brain power of a caveman and my actions and fashion sense tend to mostly reflect that. I’m a giant headed asshole! So enough of the turf talk, let’s see who’s gonna get BONK’D!
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More: BONK'D!
Dear Chiz,
We’re pretty sure that your dad has a drug problem, or should we say had when he named you. If Dad hasn’t told you that “Mommy lives in the arctic with the polar bears,” you should probably ask Mom to take you tricher treeting this Halloween. Our advice is to study really fucking hard in school, because it’s only going to be harder for you as you age. What we’re going to say next might startle some of our readers, but Chiz, you should probably tell Dad to put down the NES controller and the patchouli oil and pick up a classified section of the local newspaper and find a fucking job.
Yours truly,
The Minus World
Sometimes the least amount of effort can yield the most satisfying results.
Hanging ten on the current popularity wave of twin stick shooters comes the new octad directional shooter Hipster Holocaust. Combining the futuristic technology of digitized sprites and vector graphics, the infinite quest for lofty leaderboard high scores has reached such a level of extremity that can only be comparable to freebasing Mountain Dew while eschewing protection when in the carnal company of a date you met on Craigslist.
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More: Toe Fu, fake games, xbox360
Bless it be thy saints, alleluia! Today the lord used his special lord magic to grant me a day without tears. Dumpster diving for breakfast I found this Tetris god:
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More: Hobo Harry, Review, Tetris
