Frank
Toastmaster
jakeoff
cubansamurai
ALeks_M
Headlines, Toe Fu, ps2, xbox360
An insanely intoxicated father and son duo led New Jersey State Police on a high-speed chase that crossed 5 county lines and lasted nearly 2 hours late Saturday night. The situation started at the Lincoln Tunnel where Patrol Officer Mook Tanner spotted a floating purple space Cadillac rocketing out of the center tunnel, clocking in at approximately “pretty fuckin’ fast” MPH. After shaking off the initial shock of witnessing such a pimp deep ride in action, Officer Tanner called in the convertible’s license plate “STIKYBALZ”, requested back up, and the chase was on.
It all started during a routine evening of planetary pub crawling and colossal alcohol consumption-fueled carousing through the Milky Way. The King of All Cosmos, with a near infinite amount of DUIs and a perpetually revoked driver’s license, had enlisted the designated driving duties of his diminutive descendant The Prince.
The King was chauffeured around the solar system on a happy juice-swilling binge and was struck with the undeniable drunken urge to grace g-strings with handfuls of Cosmosian cash. Fed up with “bug-eyed blue ass space skeezas,” The King demanded to be driven to the home of the high class hooker, New York City. After being bounced from one pole palace after another for constant acts of intoxicated intergalactic groping, The King demanded the Prince ride bitch and once again got behind the wheel in a sloppy state. Moments later, his inebriated joyride from the law began.
The pursuit led NJ’s finest on a crazed game of cat & mouse only to see the fleeing vehicle warp into hyper-space and make its getaway. The suspects were eventually apprehended hours later in the parking lot of a 24-hour McDonalds in Morris County. Reports indicate a breathalyzer test was administered and The King blew a 5.01. It’s unknown if the odiferous intrusion of a recently digested McRib compromised the outcome.
The King used his status as space royalty to avoid any sentencing under the stipulation that The Prince perform 500 hours of community service using his Katamari to assist in the removal of roadside trash strewn about The Garbage State’s Parkway. Authorities ask motorists to kindly refrain from tossing soiled contraceptives and empty spray tan containers out of their car windows at The Prince as he completes his civic reparations.
5 comments 
-
09.10.2008 ,
at 6:53 am
yeah! Get those guidos
-
09.10.2008 ,
at 8:32 am
These guys were in my neighborhood once. At first we thought it was cute how they rolled around picking up all the paperclips, tacks and other debris we left around. It wasn’t so cute when they worked their way up to steamrolling our pets cars and families.
-
09.10.2008 ,
at 8:13 pm
i think i see my liver in that big ball of jersey trash.
-
09.10.2008 ,
at 8:40 pm
It’s stuffed inside that empty vodka bottle, right?
-
09.13.2008 ,
at 8:51 pm
Effing hilarious article. Well done, sirs.
