Frank
Toastmaster
jakeoff
cubansamurai
ALeks_M
Headlines, Toe Fu, arcades, drunk
Mourners filled Russia’s Red Square today to celebrate the life and passing of beloved local hero Jinborov Karnovski. The celebrated circus strongman turned side-scrolling fireball loogy lobber was discovered in his home floating face up in a bathtub full of home distilled potato vodka. The Moscow coroner’s office reported his liver was recovered stowed away on a nuclear submarine trying to flee from the daily dousing of the clear and potent homebrew. The KGB has not yet filed charges against the body abandoning organ. It was last seen skewered with sippy straws and being surrounded by burly men sporting furry hats.
Friends and family attending the memorial service donned their best black and neon patterned tracksuits as they showed up to say a few words for the rapidly rotting Russkie. Former president Mikhail Gorbachev shared a heartwarming tale of how he obtained the famous “birthmark” on his forehead during an altercation with the recently deceased over a pair of size 48 waist American blue jeans. Old friend and one time sparring partner, Ivan Drago was removed from the processions after repeatedly muttering, “I will crush you” in the face of the coffin confined corpse of Jinborov. Street Fightin’ Russian celebrity Zangief was unable to attend due to scheduling conflicts. His newfound fame as an adult film star has him performing his patented Spinning Piledriver on lucky ladies throughout the San Fernando Valley.
Donations of Stoli-O, boiled cabbage, and mail order brides can be made directly to the-minusworld.com.
4 comments 
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09.15.2008 ,
at 10:02 am
R.I.P. you crazy fire-breathing Ruskie!
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09.15.2008 ,
at 1:34 pm
Good riddens. Karnov was a fucking evil, basically impossible trip to hell. An exercise through paranoid, shirtless dystopia where half the items made no sense and the bottoms of ladders only led to the top of a ladder. I blame my current alcoholism solely on him. Well, him and the fact that alcohol is awesome.
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09.15.2008 ,
at 3:42 pm
Real Russkies don’t die ’cause they eventually multiply
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09.17.2008 ,
at 3:00 pm
The concept of an 8-bituary is brilliant. I hope this has been registered with the proper authorities. Dead pixels forever!!!
