Frank
Toastmaster
jakeoff
cubansamurai
ALeks_M
Headlines, agent b
New York City - Just days before his controversial new gangsta rap record hit stores, Parappa The Rapper was fatally shot dead following an interview at the Hot 97 radio station. During the interview, Parappa boldly called out other fabled video game rap stars for their inability to stay relevant or move units. Most notably he labeled former rap duo Toejam and Earl “has-been bitches who ain’t made no paper since they was totin’ that plastic Menacer Gun shit in the 90’s.” He then went on to lash out at 50 Cent’s character model from the game Bulletproof, citing low Gamerankings scores as an indication of the rapper’s failed gaming career. Parappa’s words were short lived as he was immediately riddled with bullets upon exiting the building. His record label, however, seemed too enthusiastic about his death. “This is actually fucking awesome for us because now album sales numbers might actually exist,” a label rep said. “Dead emcees are always infinitely more marketable than live ones because they ain’t doin’ reality shows with midgets and all that bullshit.”
All three suspects have been brought in for questioning, as well as everyone who ever purchased a Parappa the Rapper game because they are being deemed mentally unfit to be active members of society. Toejam and Earl were ecstatic to be in the press again and 50 used the attention to promote his new line of female bath oils and lavender camel milk spray for pets.
More news on this story as it develops, or rhythmically plods along to the beat of inane j-pop rap hybrid music and eventually falls into cultist obscurity appreciated only by a handful of anime retro revisionists who attend conventions dressed as creepy doll-eyed hentai mascots.
3 comments 
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09.18.2008 ,
at 11:18 am
Try turning to the left now Biach!
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09.18.2008 ,
at 1:57 pm
the real tragedy is that he was probably the best emcee that station has had on in the past 10 years.
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09.19.2008 ,
at 10:07 am
It’s all Chop Chop Master Onion’s fault. Yeah, kicking and punching are great but he should have taught him how to use a gat.
