Frank
Toastmaster
jakeoff
cubansamurai
ALeks_M
8-Bituary, Headlines, Toe Fu, nintendo
During a fervent session of Punch Out, not-so-virile teen Kevin Keene was unwittingly sucked into his 12” Sears Roebuck brand television set and thrust into the Nintendo-themed world of Videoland. Quickly realizing the daily routine of female rejection and soiled Bugle Boys he endured in the real world didn’t apply in Videoland, he happily settled into his new environment. Freshly armed with a chic Power Pad belt buckle and Zapper light gun, he adopted the moniker Captain N and elevated his status to superstar in this new realm of licensed characters.
Unfortunately, his stay at the top was slashed short by the dawn of a new era of technology; the birth of the SNES abruptly ended his fantastical frolicking. Thrust back into the harsh dimension of reality yet still clinging to his status of game nerd celebrity, young Kevin faced the arduous task of assimilating back into society. The Captain was now a commoner.
The following years were not kind to the one time protector of pixels. Our hero found himself facing a downward spiral of debauchery. Rumors of cavorting with the Coreys, a Princess Peach hentai addiction, and Sega sympathizing ran rampant throughout the pages of Nintendo Power. In his last interview, a clearly disheveled Kevin compared his tale of reluctant abduction to “being forced into the back of a black conversion van by a sweaty Italian clown who reeked of meaty subs, promising the wonders of Game Boy gyrations.”
On September 1st, 1997, the launch day of the highly anticipated Nintendo 64, a bloated, frowning Kevin Keene pulled on his “N” adorned varsity jacket one last time, placed his trusty Zapper to his head, then pulled the trigger.
1 comment 
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09.22.2008 ,
at 9:07 am
RIP Captain N. Do you think there is any truth to the rumor that Captain N has replaced his signature N with a K and has returned as the living dead french electro artist Kavinsky. He bears a striking resemblance and according to wikipedia makes music “reminiscent of video game music and film soundtracks of the 1980s”
Coincidence? It’s worth looking into. Check his myspace and you’ll see what I mean. http://www.myspace.com/kavinsky
