Philanthropy at its finest, marching for marketing, or hungry for humanity, Nintendo has taken an active role in the community over the years. Whether it was giving Wii’s to Children’s Hospitals, Giving DSs To Underprivileged Kids, or Passing out Wario’s Flatulation to Los Angelites, they’ve done a great job of giving back. Pressure on their odd lack of competition peers has lead to some good things, some bad things, and some shit that I would just plain shed a single tear for if I ever saw.

Sony Executives Deliver Babies

In an attempt to one up the Big N, Sony delivers…literally. This picture was taken moments before a new life was pushed out of an angry mama. Skip Withertit, MD of Sony USA gives a highly enthusiastic thumbs up to prove that Sony is second to none.

Microsoft Passes Out Safe Sex Pamphlets Outside Hospital

Like bickering siblings, Microsoft will not be outdone by its older brother. Taking to the streets outside the hospital to hand out safe sex pamphlets, Chez Vesperson points a finger to show that Microsoft is number one in preventing unwanted teenage pregnancy.

Rockstar Distributes GTA4’s Out To Local Middle Schools

Those pranksters from Rockstar Games aren’t pranking the public in their recent attempt to be charitable. Their street team took to some areas deemed “Drug Free Zones” to blanket blast announcements that they’d be distributing copies of GTA4 to kids behind local Middle Schools where the rebels smoke weed and mix airplane bottles of Irish Creme with their morning coffees.

Activision Passes Out Tampons To Their FPS Competition

In all of Activision’s bad-assedness, they’ve never really given back to their particular community. Until now, that is. They’ve included notes to their competition friends that read, “They’re for the bullet holes, bitches.” Now that’s one gangsta way to generate some good old-fashioned P.R.

Capcom Distributes The “T-Stick” To The Sick And Elderly

Capcom leads the philanthropy pack, promising cosmetic rejuvenation in a little tube. It must really care about people to give a three-pack to every senior citizen in New Jersey. Sounds like a heartwarming plan…until the inevitable zombie apocalypse. But they can just donate government aid to help rebuild your mansion.

EA Cries, “Hey We Did That First, No Fair! Can We Afford To Buy Nintendo?”

Answer: No. But you guys could afford to buy The Minus World. Now that’s charity!

Silicon Knights Gives Out Free Barrels And Niagara Falls Rides

Thanks Denis for outstretching your sword hand to give out tickets to the best water park this side of the Mississippi. Wait, only available in Canada? Boooo!

Lucas Arts Ships George Lucas Off To Work On A Radio Tower In Alaska

Free from ruining our childhoods with awful CGI revisionist history, George will finally be in a good spot. Have a fun time licking the flagpole (don’t worry, it won’t stick) and humping an elk with Sarah Palin. Stay away from my treasured movie memories, dick.

Valve Passes Out Cake At Fitness Camps

Valve visited fitness camps worldwide with a surprise dry-iced package of pure chocolaty goodness that would make any dieting kid want to call mom and give her the old “FU, I’m eating cake.” Your big, hungry mouth is the perfect portal for charity.