You’ve Been Bonk’d!

Cashton Toucher on September 26th, 2008

Wassup dudes and milfs! This is Cashton Toucher reporting live from the medical clinic where I get my dome drained weekly. No, not that you pervert! See, I was born with Aggravated Gargantuan Redundant Head Syndrome which has been the total opposite of awesome! Basically my forehead is proportionally gigantic compared to the rest of my body and I’ve just gotta use it to bonk unsuspecting celebrity victims so they can feel my tortured existence! My birth deffect also rewarded me with the brain power of a caveman and my actions and fashion sense tend to mostly reflect that. I’m a giant headed asshole! So enough of the turf talk, let’s see who’s gonna get BONK’D!

Ok, so we totally caught this rich idiot walking around and being rich and stuff and having a hot wife and daughter so we fuckin’ shit, man, shit, what did we do? Oh yeah, we lured him into a giant tower that had a money sign spraypainted on it on some Duck Tales shit! Man that show was classic! So then he walked in right? And we like hired this UFC guy to kick him in the face repeatedly until his face was completely swollen and oxygen was rushing to his head and shit and he had mad concussions! Check out his crusty cranium now! That’s right moneybucks, welcome to my world!

BONK’D, BITCH!!!

Oh man oh man it’s that troll womanchild who looks like she was born on a Lucky Charms box! How old is she, dudes? 45 or 7? Or 47?!?! Gross old troll kid! I wouldn’t beat her up with my oldest trucker cap. Her teeth are like the arrow battle at the end of that movie 300! Age is just a number homeslice, and we totally lost track of the number of gasoline syringes we paid Surgeon Svelt to pump into Oldkota’s head bumps after we yanked her scalp and gave her a blonde novelty wig! Wassup now, ladybaby! Feel my personal pain!

BONK’D DAT WHOLE CAREER AWAY SUCKAAAAA!!!

See you Stiflers next week when we snatch Brad Pitt in our headlights like a dear and Eric Stoltz the shit out of his above the neck region! Catch ya later, dorks! I have to shop for a hoodie that perfectly compliments my atrocious skull swelling and possibly terminal radtastic abnormal disease. PEACE!