Frank
Toastmaster
jakeoff
cubansamurai
ALeks_M
8-Bituary, Toe Fu
Not even a knight with a history of battling the undead can forever dodge the bony finger-banging touch of the Grim Reaper. It’s starting to seem like a weekly occurrence that yet another retro icon gets tightly tucked in for the big dirt-nap. This time we bid a final farewell to Arthur, the legendary bitch-slapper of ghouls, ghosts, and goblins.
Arthur’s body was found frozen solid in a zombie infested ice palace deep in the Himalayas. He was wearing nothing but a pair of heart patterned boxer briefs and a set of rock hard nipples. It seems this unfortunate soul met his sprite-maker after a fatal case of hypothermia. Forensics found his destroyed armor several yards away, likely lost while battling a flying red gargoyle. It is unknown why he didn’t wear some thermal underwear or a pair of Freezy Freakies, as he was well aware that one hit from an opposing fiend would strip him of his armor and leave him facing the unenviable option of doing the skivvies shuffle off the mortal coil.
Arthur began his crusade of battling an endless posse of phantoms after unwittingly opening a gateway to the 5th level of hell during a fantasy book club reading of The Necronomicon. In reality, Arthur was not a knight at all, but just an average dungeon master with an affinity for Scandinavian death metal and Renaissance fairs. His consequential curiosity for the occult provided the perfect opportunity to suit up in his homemade suit of aluminum armor. Unfortunately, even though residential siding offers maximum protection against rain drizzles and snow flurries, it doesn’t do shit against an ogre’s uppercut or a fierce imp kick to the dick. Arthur will best be remembered for the time he sharted his knickers after only 2 mugs of ale at LARPalooza 98’.
Donations of baby wax sacrificial ceremonial candles, early 90’s Florida death metal cd’s, and VHS copies of The Gate can be sent directly to The-MinusWorld HQ, c/o agent b.
4 comments 
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09.30.2008 ,
at 9:42 am
I heard a group of Norwegian scientists were raising funds for an experimental new procedure to de-frost him and bring him back to life… in 16 and maybe even 32bit form.
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09.30.2008 ,
at 10:15 am
Poor little guy. Looks like somebody forgot to take his A, A, A, A, UP, DOWN, LEFT, RIGHT
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09.30.2008 ,
at 10:24 am
Hey Cubansandwich, haven’t you ever seen Pet Sematary? Once something is dead it is best to leave it that way. Unless you really want a scalpel to the achilles tendon from a little zombie-fied pixelated knight.
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09.30.2008 ,
at 5:44 pm
Man… I never said it was a good idea.
