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Archive for October, 2008
It’s October 31st already? The only day you’re allowed to wear your girlfriend’s bra and heels outside of the Growing Tree Daycare center without getting cuffed. Trust us, we’ve done extensive “field research.” So before you get bombed off pumpkin beer and tongue kiss a butter face with a cat woman mask on, sit back as we contemplate the true meaning of this spooky holiday - Halloween.
As poll numbers dwindle and things start to get down to the wire, Mario has launched a last minute gritty and offensive ad campaign against his opponent Luigi. The campaign consists of kingdom-high banner posters that highlight Mario’s history as a dignified, weathered soldier with experience and know how during times of war. Mario fortified the campaign by speaking at rallies after several Naskart racing events in his most supportive regions and blasting his adversary’s lack of familiarity with such a combative age. “Luigi is timid, he’s scared that he doesn’t know what he’ll do with this country. Just look at his legs shake when he jumps. The White House will be like an evil haunted ghost house to him.” Luigi, who has always run his campaign with positivity and optimism, vowed to “not leave a slew of banana peels behind” as he blazed forward on the trail towards election day. Only the history books will dictate which method of movement will be the more effective one. We’re just a few days away from flagpole, folks, and Thwomp The Vote will cover every minute of it, right down to the fireworks.
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More: Gus, Thwomp The Vote
Looks like Thwomp The Vote is taking on the world of legitimate news journalism! Winda Benedetti over at MSNBC was kind enough to get the low down on this year’s 2nd most important election, check it out! And to read the full transcript of the interview, just hit the jump. Damn it feels good to see people up on it.
Addressing a group of loyal followers at a rally in the hotly-contested swing level of Vanilla Dome, veep hopeful Daisy said that putting Mario and her into the Mushroom House was a “task from God.”
The group applauded her statement, seemingly ready for the divine mission placed before them. One especially devout supporter yelled, “I accept the Lord’s mission!” The righteousness took a turn for the negative, however, when the gathering started chanting in unison, “God hates Luigi!”
Daisy wasted no time appealing further to the rapturous crowd of Pro-Mario supporters, outlining various other “tasks from God” Mario and her needed help accomplishing.
Leave it to our rag-tag reporters to dig up the dirt for this spooky scoop. We’ve always had our doubts about Alucard and at last are able to answer all questions. The fangy Faustian fop finally faces fate. This is one toothy tale of baby daddy drama! Violent Vlad must have knocked up a real kicker to conceive a kid this cantankerous!
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More: T-MW, castlevania
Three or four times a year, every credible video game news website and magazine takes a break from writing 5000 word glowing previews for cellphone games based on Vin Diesel movies and attempts to publish a funny article about bad video game tattoos. That’s nice and all, but not only is it a stale, played out concept, but it’s also way too late in addressing the actual problem: video game tattoos are almost always a bad idea. That’s why we here at The Minus World would rather pinpoint the issue before it becomes a reality-based epidemic that only extensive laser surgery can wash off. And with that, we bring to you the “10 Video Game Tattoos We Never Want To See.” We’re just looking out for our gaming pals out here.
Fall has fell and the offerings of actually playable game releases on XBLA have come to a grinding halt. Sure we had a plasma sword incision to the wallet with the quality offerings of the Summer of XBLA, but like a drunken night of go-go grab-assery, the house lights eventually come on and all things rad must come to an end. These are the demo dog days of XBLA. If you can actually make it past 2.4 minutes into the trial of these games, or even worse dish out the digital duckets for them, then you must be the same dude who thinks that Brazilian g-string grinder you donated your Honda payment too will actually go back to your studio apartment with you for microwaved White Castle burgers and private choreographed crotch crunches. For your safety and sanity, here is a run down on some of the past few weeks offerings of downloadable diarrhea.
As Nintendo comfortably holds the top console sales spot in this current gaming generation, the battle for 2nd place is really heating up through decidedly chicken shit, bitchy attacks from the two remaining sides. Yeah, that’s right - modern warfare is apparently fought by pillaging the spoiled little brother of aggregate review sites like Gamerankings.com and bombarding the user reviews of upcoming competitor’s titles with low scores. Way to take it to the streets, dunny.
It’s not all gold, folks. Here at the Minus World HQ, tons of ideas get thrown into the air with the hope that most of them make it to the front page and earn all the fame and fortune they deserve. But what happens to the bad ideas? The ideas that are too weak or too visually offensive to walk on their own legs? The crippled ginger stepchildren of Idea Land, snarling and hobbling amongst the wary townsfolk? Well, rather than drag them behind the village pub and shoot them point blank, we’d like to give our loyal readers a chance to wave goodbye to ideas that could’ve been, but just never were. And never will be. Welcome to Behind The Minus, a weekly look at all the wacky backstage debauchery that it takes to run the only video game comedy site on the planet.
Remember the days of punishingly difficult games? The NES was home to many, including Castlevania, Blaster Master, Ninja Gaiden, Abadox, and of course the Mega Man series. These were the titles that invented the art of throwing your controller at the wall and put many gamers on the path to early male-pattern baldness. Well, ready your Spackle and take off that toupé - Mega Man 9 is now available on PSN, WiiWare, and XBLA thanks to the creative sadists over at Capcom. Will the Blue Bomber’s triumphant 8-bit return make you release a Mega Buster in your pants, or is it a failed retro revival destined for the scrap heap?
