JC Penny Releases “Dork Dodge” : : The -Minus World : Your Distinguished Source For Video Game Comedy

My AOL My Yahoo Google

	Mega Man 9
	Silent Hill: Homecoming
	Brothers In Arms: Hell’s Highway
	Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
	Rock Band 2
	Tales of Vesperia
	LostWinds

- Hey Namco, It’s Pac-Man. Please Stop Collectively F*cking My Corpse (1)
  - Frank: FUNNY! but maybe… Nintendo got a new NS at 2009 with bigger screen - “for older gamers”, as they told. Maybe…
- 8-Bituary: Alex Kidd (2)
  - Toastmaster: Where are the new 8-Bituarys??? Somebody must have died.
- Inside The Mirror’s Edge ‘Ideas Cloud’ (2)
  - jakeoff: Does the main character have downs syndrome? She kind of looks it in some pics.
  - cubansamurai: Jeeze Rob… why do you have to be such a negative nelly about the whole thing..c’mon man - you know it was a bitchin’ idea!
- 5 Other Ways To Use The Gears Of War Lancer (2)
  - ALeks_M: hahahaha, very nice! i really like your site and your articles. you differ in a very positive way to many, many other sites. my name is ALeks_M from german videoblog onipepper.de and...
- They Were Soldiers. They Were Heroes. They Were Losers. (5)
  - cubansamurai: That is more time than basic training!

flash, jasper

JC Penny Releases “Dork Dodge”

jasper on October 6th, 2008

I wasn’t sure if this was an actual game or an instruction manual for freshman college girls to dodge whale penises. Welcome to the Game O’ The Freakin’ Year my friends! JC Penny just released Dork Dodge as I release warmth in my slacks. To showcase their poorly titled Dorm Life line, JC Penny decided it best to get young college girls to play a retro throwback video game that feels a little too similar to Leisure Suit Larry. Follow me as I undress this game’s facade, caress its inner controls, and plunge deep into its forbidden realm.
The first thing it asks you to do is enter your name.

Once you meet up with the pixelated poindexter, the game switches to video of an actor portraying the dork you need to dodge. Let’s meet the cast.

Dodge this guy’s poem.

Dodge an entire pepperoni pizza she ate 20 minutes ago.

No one on the block’s got swagger like this. Thank fucking god.

Becca thinks she can handle all this?

P.S. she can’t.

Carrot Top if he were gay and Swedish.

Eddy Gordo?

Eddy Gordo!

All in all, this game has nothing to do with clothing or JC Penny. The fancy graphics and video can be boiled down to an MS-DOS text adventure. What’s next? A Street Life Collection aimed at White males ages 12-17 entitled Dodge 5-0? Fuck it. I’ll never shop JC Penny again!

2 comments

mypocket
10.6.2008 ,
at 9:24 pm

I’ve never been so confused in my life as reading this.

cubansamurai
10.13.2008 ,
at 10:43 am

I think that is what happens when you play this game.

DORK DODGE? How a bout C*NT CIRCUMVENTION? Where you are a guy in college trying to not get puked on by the freshman in hooker-boots who can’t hold her shit… bonus level where you have to rub the glittery lip gloss off your rooster. You have to evade the fat-chick who writes shitty poetry and will slit her wrists to get your attention… or the herp-mouthed sorori-slut.

Lets face it… guys have a lot of land-mines to avoid as well… our game would be just too damn funny.