Thwomp The Vote ‘08 - Daisy: Warp Pipe Reform, War On Bowser Are ‘Tasks From God’

Massouken on October 30th, 2008

Addressing a group of loyal followers at a rally in the hotly-contested swing level of Vanilla Dome, veep hopeful Daisy said that putting Mario and her into the Mushroom House was a “task from God.”

The group applauded her statement, seemingly ready for the divine mission placed before them. One especially devout supporter yelled, “I accept the Lord’s mission!” The righteousness took a turn for the negative, however, when the gathering started chanting in unison, “God hates Luigi!”

Daisy wasted no time appealing further to the rapturous crowd of Pro-Mario supporters, outlining various other “tasks from God” Mario and her needed help accomplishing.

First and foremost in importance, Daisy stated, was the task of defeating Bowser once and for all. “Too long have the great citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom lived in fear of Bowser. His reign of terror must be stopped.”

Daisy continued her plea, asserting that warp pipe reform “needs to happen now.” She pointed out that she’s no stranger to reform, touting her refusal to allow big government to dictate the building of an unnecessary warp pipe in Snow Cap galaxy. “When I was the governor of Snow Cap, I said ‘no’ to the warp pipe to nowhere. If we wanted a warp pipe, I said, we’d build it ourselves!”

Hitting on a popular campaign theme, Daisy pointed out how a Mario/Daisy administration would be beneficial for the working class and railed against Luigi’s plan to ‘redistribute the coins.’

“Our opponent wants to take gold coins out of your pockets. That’s right!” Daisy said. “He wants to take coins away from Toad the Plumber, and Boo the Haunted House performer, and Fryguy the Welder, and Kamek the Magician, and Crazy Redd the Fake Art Salesman, and Samus the Bounty Hunter. On November 4th, let’s tell him ‘Thanks, but no thanks!’”

Daisy humbly wrapped up her stump speech by saying, “God wants Mario and I in the Mushroom House. God is on our side. And if the patriotic toads and toadettes of the Mushroom Kingdom bless us with the great opportunity to serve them, we will both work tirelessly on completing the many tasks that God has set before us.”

With less than a week remaining in this heated election and Luigi opening up a lead, will Daisy’s last minute heavenly pleas help close the gap, or will they further marginalize her ticket? She’s recently been criticized of doing more harm than good for Mario’s campaign, first with her alleged ethics violations for Bloopergate, which found her under scrutiny for attempting to get a Blooper fired from the police force of Buoy Base, and then with the recent announcement that the campaign has spent over 150,000 gold coins on her wardrobe bought exclusively from Nookington’s.

Stay tuned to The-MinusWorld for all your Mushroom Kingdom election news. And remember to Thwomp the Vote here on November 4th, where YOU will decide the next president of the Mushroom Kingdom.