Michelangelo’s Statue Of ‘Pit’ Deemed Inappropriate For Grade School Field Trips

B Miggs on November 10th, 2008

Before David, The Sistine Chapel and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles made him an oft-dropped name in snob circles and talky dens of artistry, Michelangelo created his most visionary work ever: the recently unrobed “Statue Of Pit.” What makes the statue so boldly intriguing is the striking resemblance it makes to the classic Kid Icarus turned Smash Brothers. video game star of today, right down to the name. Upon news of the statues unveiling, hundreds of school children flocked from their usual after school Pokemon swapping at the Nintendo World Store in midtown Manhattan to rush the gates of the Metropolitan and be the first to catch a glimpse of their favorite boyish brawler in all his glory. But quickly, lives were ruined and children fled the scene screaming as the site of Pit’s stoney arrow upgrade beamed vividly into their souls. The museum has since employed strict security and heavily enforced age requirements before allowing anyone into the exhibit. In related news, Princess Peach has reportedly publicly shown interest in purchasing the statue for her private art collection. More news on this story never, ever again because we’ve seen enough pixel dick today to cry for an entire lifetime.