Ya Right
Toe Fu
FPCreator2000
The Retroist
Frank
Toastmaster
Archive for the " B Miggs " Category
To: Agent B
From: B Miggs
I know you had a full day head-start on the whole Animal Crossing: City Folk experience, but I’m formally calling you out. Keeping up with your Exotic collection will be a chore, but my house will be a new era in digital delight due to my full Robot furniture collection winning me extra HRA points. Now that’s something to Wii Speak about with your emo lion and your manic-depressed gorilla while I rock 1,000 bell bags on gold chains around my neck. Coelancanths and Red Snappers will be reeled in by Golden Rods in no time due to my fishing expertise and unrelenting animal crossing behavior.
Scientists have long wondered what makes gamers tick. Their extreme dedication to all-night sessions and unflinching resolve to grind to Level 99 left even the most brilliant minds stumped. Finally, there has been a breakthrough, and unsurprisingly it has come from the great minds here at The Minus World.
After doing our own painstaking research and in-depth studies (mostly in the form of cutting open our very own Massouken’s head while he was thoroughly engaged in gunning down Locust in Gears of War 2), we can now report our findings to our loyal readers and wait for the federal grant money to roll in. And it better come fast - you wouldn’t believe how much it costs to stitch a scalp back on.
Before David, The Sistine Chapel and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles made him an oft-dropped name in snob circles and talky dens of artistry, Michelangelo created his most visionary work ever: the recently unrobed “Statue Of Pit.” What makes the statue so boldly intriguing is the striking resemblance it makes to the classic Kid Icarus turned Smash Brothers. video game star of today, right down to the name. Upon news of the statues unveiling, hundreds of school children flocked from their usual after school Pokemon swapping at the Nintendo World Store in midtown Manhattan to rush the gates of the Metropolitan and be the first to catch a glimpse of their favorite boyish brawler in all his glory. But quickly, lives were ruined and children fled the scene screaming as the site of Pit’s stoney arrow upgrade beamed vividly into their souls. The museum has since employed strict security and heavily enforced age requirements before allowing anyone into the exhibit. In related news, Princess Peach has reportedly publicly shown interest in purchasing the statue for her private art collection. More news on this story never, ever again because we’ve seen enough pixel dick today to cry for an entire lifetime.
Minus World Psych Ward: November 2, 2008
Case File: MW-090308-03
Subject Name(s): Pac-Man & Ms. Pac-Man
The depravity packed duo checked in to the ward last week and we haven’t seen a case like this since Mickey & Mallory, or Bonnie & Clyde. They expressed pure hatred towards authority figures brought on by a constant fear of the spotlight and someone they refer to as Mr. Namco. They had been strung out and robbing local liquor stores and gas stations in search of “power pellets” which we learned were just huge rocks of cocaine. We’ve been finding it hard to isolate them to the psych ward because its just basically a big maze and they have intricate knowledge of mazes and a fear of being chased by ghosts.
1 Comment [+] 
Digg 
Del.icio.us 
Technorati 
StumbleUpon
More: B Miggs, Psych Ward, pac-man
To run the charts of every major gaming leaderboard, a man has to make some sacrifices. Marathon score sessions mean no sleep, no exercise, reckless diet and prolonged agoraphobia. It takes every ounce of social and hygenic restraint to be #1. But all that button mashing tedium could be “in vein” if a gamer ever plans to own a top ranking in the most acclaimed ability tier ever created - the newly revealed Vagina Live Leaderboards.
Leave a Comment [+] Digg Del.icio.us Technorati StumbleUpon
More: B Miggs, XBL, meeting girls, ps3, xbox360
As if Nascar wasn’t dangerous enough, rookie driver Jason Frudnick just won the endorsements he needed to get his tank, Sophia the 3rd, spinning her wheels on the track with the big boys. An underdog story for some, the race turned tragic after Jason started blasting his canon into the sea of competing cars. For the first time in Nascar history, these cars had a real reason to be speeding. The blood and erupting gas tanks unsurprisingly didn’t dispel the crowds as High Life and Budweiser sales rose 300%. The crowd cheered as Danica Patrick finally caught a master blast to the chin. The action was so intense that no one even bothered to tell Big Uncle Bob to stop drinking and put his shirt back on.
Clatzysprass, Texas - Billionaire oil tycoon and big time Animal Crossing fan Lucky Lempers found out the hard way that wild animals wearing t-shirts in a gated community doesn’t work as well in real life as it does in his favorite game. Lucky started the project as a seemingly gentle homage and even went as far as to move in with his animal townsfolk and live amongst them. He set up each animal in a home in hopes that they would take to the village and trade their furniture. Tragically, within minutes the entire project became savagely chaotic as dozens of animals turned against him and each other in a desperate fang and tooth gnashing war of hell. Just as things seemed their worst, the creatures found a cache of shovels, axes and fishing rods and a deadly weapons battle complicated the equation further.
From: B Miggs
To: Agent B
RE: College TV has finally started to die.
Sometime after being coated in bong resin, dropped moving in and out of the apartment while being transported by skateboards, and running 24/7 for the last 5 years the TV is dying. I just noticed that little cry baby’s screen turn dark gray and flicker. My first impulse was directly impulsed by Arthur Fonzarelli, and I smacked the shit out of the side of it. Works now. Perhaps it never really worked as well as it does now, and my divine bitch slap just woke this TV the fuck up. Maybe I should open a repair shop called “Fonze’s” and just have people bring broken toasters, assault rifles, and juke boxes in so I can slap the shit out of them and say something dumb like “Eyyyyy…” and “Fifty dollars, Mr. G”. Either way I think I know a cheap way to turn SDTV’s into HDTV’s. Peace.
1 Comment [+] Digg Del.icio.us Technorati StumbleUpon
More: B Miggs, personal note
While all those serious video game blogs spent the last week covering the Tokyo Game Show, we came away from the conference with the single most incredible piece of one-of-a-kind gaming swag ever made: The hand drawn plans for Shigeru Miyamoto’s motorcycle, stolen from the man himself. Do we feel bad? A little bit, but now we can selflessly share his scheme with the whole world. The only tough part was deciphering what was what, but being long-time Nintendo fans, we think we did pretty damn well.
Where do the pixelated high school drop outs and career fair dodgers end up when everyone else with legitimate work ethic has moved on to more lucrative pastures? Where can angst-ridden teens come to learn leadership, team spirit, and marginal managerial experience for $5.03 an hour at a patty-presser? Where is the best place to hide rat shit in a customer’s lunch with little chance they’ll even notice because it just seems to get lost in that signature frothy blend of oil, sweat and special sauce?
That’s right. Burger Time, bitches.
1 Comment [+] Digg Del.icio.us Technorati StumbleUpon
More: B Miggs, pixel parodies
