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Archive for the " castlevania " Category
Leave it to our rag-tag reporters to dig up the dirt for this spooky scoop. We’ve always had our doubts about Alucard and at last are able to answer all questions. The fangy Faustian fop finally faces fate. This is one toothy tale of baby daddy drama! Violent Vlad must have knocked up a real kicker to conceive a kid this cantankerous!
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More: T-MW, castlevania
By Simon Belmont
Well, that was a terrible mess as usual. Mummies stealing hot dogs, Zombies forgetting to roll up the potato chip bags and letting them get stale, and dick face Dracula ruining EVERY photo we took. Can we go ONE YEAR without monsters crashing the Belmont Family Reunion Bocce Ball BBQ Picnic? Just ONCE? Man alive, you have no idea the stress it takes to organize these things. Between the kid’s laser tag league and my wife’s limerick tutor classes on Sundays, it’s a ton of sacrifice just to get the whole Belmont gang together for some outdoor fun, only to watch vampire bats suck the air out of our tandem bike tires. For the 3rd year in a row, a lagoon monster ate my daughter. I don’t even know how they find out where we’re gonna host it! Do they send the invisible man to stalk me all year? Did I accidentally hire a succubus banshee as a nanny? My guacamole dip is ruined. I want to cry.
