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Archive for the " ds " Category
In an unfortunate poor decision, local priest Father “Fingals” McFinagain, decided to use his game development degree to “combine my passion for the lord, video games, and touching things.” Developing the game over several years inside a confessional, the father had been conducting what he had called field research.
It’s The Blood of Christ, Drink Up! has been confiscated by local authorities. Unaware of the content, St. Paul’s cathedral had funded the game as a means of raising money after collection plates had dried up. Fewer attendees have been showing up due to the fact that parents don’t want their kids near a priest.
If you’re responsible for developing this:
an actual product on a system whose primary market share is comprised of non-smoking 9 year olds, then you should probably be playing this:
because you have no grasp of reality, demographics or the golden history from whence this great industry came. In short (and this will be short,) you’re doing it wrong and fucking things up for everyone. Please, for the love of gaming, stop.
Hot off the heels of tonight’s surprise debut of the Nintendo DSi, (a new portable system which can connect to a network store to purchase downloadable games) Sony has fired back with an even more surprising system redesign. Previously, the Sony PSP was known less for its forgettable library of games and more for its ability to be hacked and serve as a shiny emulator for classic Nintendo roms and the PSPi has just upped the game. Sony chairman Kaz Hirai was eager to break it down for dat ass. “You can illegally download Nintendo DS roms and play them on this fucking thing. Just buy it so I don’t get fired.”
Yeah, I know. September is almost over. That doesn’t mean there isn’t enough time to warn you mental giants about not throwing your hard-earned handheld money into an inextinguishable game fire. You guys would warn me before I fell on a sword or lubed up a shark, right? OK, just making sure. Avoid these 5 shelf shats like the plague.
Ryu Hayabusa ruthlessly slices up fiends on the Nintendo DS with his signature panache, but does the fact-paced Ninja Gaiden series translate to the touch-screen? Or is this just Ninja Training for Dummies? Hold on to your rice balls and sake - Ninja Gaiden Dragon Sword is on the chopping block this week.
Police Officer Copper announced today the arrest of town proprietor Tom Nook in an alleged organ harvesting ring. Copper and his second in command Officer Booker conducted an investigation into the constant disappearance of local residents after receiving a tip that postmaster Pete the Pelican has been delivering parcels of putrid pounds of animal body parts to various locations in China.
Read on
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More: Headlines, Toe Fu, animal crossing, ds, funeral
I’ll always have a soft spot for the early Final Fantasy games, before Square-Enix tried their hand at thoracotomy and removed the franchise’s heart via the introduction of spikey-haired metrosexual protagonists and a constant stream of shitty spin-offs like Dirge of Cerberus. In other words, this remake of the SNES classic is like manna from heaven. But in the interest of objectivity and journalistic integrity, I will avoid showering this remake with endless praise (I even tore up the check for $3.58 that Squenix sent me for a glowing review-it’s going to cost you more than that!). Nope, even this vaunted series has to go through my finely-tuned review process: Writing pros and cons with some smarmy flourishes and bad puns thrown in for good measure. Let the games begin!
(yes, this is actual, completely real video game box art)
When Majesco announced their latest offering to the world of Nintendo DS shovelware, we couldn’t help but get excited. A game about being an air traffic controller starring a self proclaimed air traffic controller? Well, fuck, sign us up! We immediately ran to the dollar store and purchased it. We’re happy to report that it seems our single sold copy has helped Majesco recoup all of the losses incurred in developing the title and as a result, we’ll be seeing lots of sequels in the not too distant future. But what could they possibly have in store for us? Read on for a minus world exclusive first look!
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More: drivin' radical, drunk, ds
Never satisfied with what hardware manufacturers have to offer, gamers tend to take the design aesthetic portion of things into their own, slimy, talentless hands. That’s nice and all, but the results are usually pricey, bulky, and most importantly, absolutely atrocious. But mere words cannot describe such artistic debauchery, so let’s get on with the show.
Two Screens One Touch DS Lite
When life gives you memetic coprophagia pornography, don’t make dual screened, shit stained lemonade out of it. Just shake your head in disbelief like the rest of us did and try to wash away the painful memories.
