PETA Member Busted for Recreating Super Monkey Ball Stage in His Driveway

B Miggs on March 13th, 2008

Well, this story really hits home. A PETA worker has been arrested and publicly beaten after turning his front lawn into a dangerous simian obstacle course. What nerve! His monkeys, Scrunchy and Chia Pet’s Son have been captured and contained by local authority figures. “Have you ever seen that movie ‘Outbreak’?” asks a neighbor. “Yeah, well it was just like that. But with more balls! The whole neighborhood stunk like monkey shit in a hamster ball. I said those exact words to my wife. She didn’t believe me! Now guess who’s picking up the kids from soccer practice while the other one sits at home watching Orange County Choppers gripping a can of Natty Ice. That’s right ‘honey’! Pass me a cold one and scoop up the brats! Scoops!”

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Dumb Kid Writes Stupid Name On Everything

agent b on March 7th, 2008

Satchelcusp, Iowa – Local boy Jeremy Pantiweathers has been spotted autographing all of his video games before lending them out, friends and neighbors say. His unsightly John Hancock has graced the surface of dozens of cartridges, reportedly diminishing their trade-in value and making them extremely ugly. Former friend Gilford Stork chimed in: “he does it because people always borrow games from him and then they say it’s their game but it’s his so he writes his name on them but I think he’s dumb also his name is dumb and nobody plays Nintendo anyway Sega has blast processings.” When reached for comment, Jeremy had nothing to say because he had just crawled back into his mother’s womb.

Editor’s note: If you know somebody who did this shit back in the day, feel free to drop their names here.
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