Ya Right
Toe Fu
FPCreator2000
The Retroist
Frank
Toastmaster
Archive for the " explosions " Category
(actual picture of us narrowly escaping from our site’s exploding server this week)
Welcome back you snazzy bunch of hipsters, hooligans, and harbingers of destruction! Well we certainly had quite the week of mayhem over here. Between our site getting annihilated twice by Digg and Kotaku and agent b beating the crap out of B Miggs in a drunken fury, the decision has been to make this shit legit by dedicating the server. It’s been really exciting growing with all you scoundrels. If you’re one of the two people left on earth that hasn’t seen Atari Modern Classics, what the hell are you waiting for?! So thanks for coming to our party, its only going to get more outrageous from this point on.
Tasty Nuggets of NEW!
Prince Recast As Star In ‘Prince Of Persia’ Movie
Video Game Retirement Facility Opens Its Doors
WORLD LAW: Ayo Gramps, Take It Down A Notch
White Men Can’t Double Dribble
Parappa The Rapper Fatally Shot 13 Times Outside Of Hot 97 Studios
Study Shows 3% Of American Youth Live Worst Lives Ever
5 Super Power Pussy Moves From The 80’s That Need A Next Gen Comeback
Microsoft Offers RRoD Patch For Xbox360 - Only 1,200 MS Points
The Minus World Officially Announces Plans To Buy Out Take Two Interactive
Plusses & Minuses: Rock Band 2
Nintendo Announces Nintendo Infinity S
Ask The Minus World: A Brief Lesson In Failure
A Journey To Our First Week:
Everybody Votes against ‘Everybody Votes’ Channel
WORLD LAW: Your Mother Is An Idiot
EA Announces “Sims: Girlfriend”
Resident of the “Evil” Building Complains About Noise Pollution Late At Night
Hide your mothers and daughters, we’re reporting drunk LIVE from Germany at the Leipzig Games Convention! All the fun and excitement starts right here at the opening press conference! What could possibly go wrong?
Read on for our exclusive coverage!
4 Comments [+] 
Digg 
Del.icio.us 
Technorati 
StumbleUpon
More: Leipzig, agent b, explosions
How on earth did we hit that $482 billion deficit? One might blame it on Bush, or the spiraling economy due to 9/11, or the never ending war in Iraq. I’m going to blame it on The Virtual Army Experience. Take a look at vae.americasarmy.com if the site’s not down due to overwhelming American pride.
Costing $9.8 million to operate last year, the exhibit f*cks Neo Geo’s expensive corpse on top of a 3DO. So for the price of 24,500 PS3s, you too can own a Virtual Army Experience! Good thing I got my economic stimulus check. Too bad I spent it on Master Chief knee pads and my Shia LaBeouf Transformer Trapper Keeper. The experience travels to amusement parks and county fairs, no joke, to help recruit more “players” into the Army.
2 Comments [+] Digg Del.icio.us Technorati StumbleUpon
More: army, call of duty, die in a fire, explosions, jasper
Maitland, Florida - Fearing imminent heart failure, butter cancer or self induced cannibalism, EA has placed football legend John Madden on 24 hour, fully recorded supervision. Madden, who is also known for taking out his fear of flying on small birds by stuffing them into each other, helped make EA a shitload of money by agreeing to be the iconic face and voice of their annual NFL game that mostly idiots play. Since his disgusting dietary habits could prove fatal, EA is taking no chances.
Leave a Comment [+] Digg Del.icio.us Technorati StumbleUpon
More: EA, Headlines, John Madden, agent b, comic, explosions
By Rampage Monsters
So we were just eating Cool Ranch Doritos and watching the news, and apparently we’re the biggest terrorists in the entire world according to our dickweed ratshit lunatic of a President. It seems the ever-intelligent, globe encompassing, back of a retard’s binder scribbled plan known as the “war on terror” has expanded to include pixelated monsters who starred in a shitty video game from 1986. Great! That’s exactly how we wanted to spend our retirement. It’s bad enough being dollar store knock-offs of King Kong and Godzilla and having to share an apartment with a a giant werewolf who pees the fridge, but now we can’t even even buy beer without some redneck trucker calling us “sand suckin’ space queers.”
By Bomberman
Was that pathetic Bob-omb sympathy story you idiots posted last week supposed to be some kind of tearjerker? He’s a bomb with legs and eyes, of course he shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near an airport. I, on the other hand, am a bomb connoisseur. A master craftsman in the art of the circular explosive. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to bring them on a f*cking airplane. You don’t see famous Parisian chefs marinating quail and sprinkling foie-gras on the shitty in flight dinner box, just like you don’t see the lead singer of Creed break out into an impromptu pro-Jesus ballad set to awful late 90’s alt-rock guitar medleys when the flight attendant asks you to buckle up. So following that logic, you won’t see Bomberman on a plane with a bag of bombs at my disposal. They judge me by my name, stare at me, harass me, search my luggage..it’s totally belittling. Maybe they’re just racist against my head gear, which is a pattern they seem to have perfected with other ethnicities.
It’s bad enough my day job only consists of constantly exploding mazes filled with hell-bent cannibalistic peers and nauseating chippy background music, but traveling to them means I have to sit on a Greyhound bus with every other flight risk and aviophobic in the country. You let Rob Schneider movies on planes but not the 12th most iconic voice deprived video game character in history? F*ck this, I’m moving back to Japan. On a rowboat. I can’t promise it won’t blow up.
