F-Zero Driving School Speeds Into Business

Massouken on October 1st, 2008

Trouble getting that Provisional License? Angry judge throw the book at you for going 90 in a school zone…again? Old age making it tough to remember which side of the road to drive on? Fret not, distressed drivers - the F-Zero Driving School is here to help!

Read on

Captain Falcon Arrested For DUI

B Miggs on August 8th, 2008

Looks like someone has been hitting the Falcon Puuuunch a little bit too much lately while cruising around the streets of Mute City. This ex-cop turned local nuisance never realized that the city’s traffic cam caught his daring escape from the Blue Falcon. Losing all power, his engine exploded after driving along the side of the track for over a minute. “I finally had a reason to use my 2mb picture phone!” witnesses reclaim. Captured and arrested on a speed pad, the Captain should have gone down with the ship. He should know that the last time he brought Colt 45 to the party everyone talked shit behind his back. Samurai Goroh scoffed at him at the last after-race party because he always brings Sopporos and Junmai Daiginjo-shu Sake, while Pico brings Wild Turkey and Grey Goose (don’t ask.) All in all it was a pretty embarrassing moment for his publicist to explain to us. Don’t worry about it Captain, you got off pretty easy. You could always get ripped on the Colt over at my house and ramble about the seedy underbelly of Port Town. I’ll bill the cost of the cab to the company because we all know you’re not drivin’ for the next 6 months.

Artwork by Tyler Bronis

Read on