Archive for the " GTA IV " Category
Today’s Cheat Code comes courtesy of jezuzfreek777 (a web handle that proves that hypnotized religious worship and bad spelling can have a gay marriage on a commercial airplane)
Parents just don’t understand Grand Theft Auto IV. Statistically, though, things tend to get a bit obfuscated when said parents believe humanity began in a magical garden with a talking snake who lurked in a tree of forbidden knowledge. If Dad isn’t able to tell the difference between reality and a book of fictional stories, maybe he fears Junior will find similar blind guidance in other forms of fictional media, i.e video games. Nevermind that religion has historically been the most violent thing in the history of our species, and that GTA IV’s protagonist pistol whipping a hooker is a mere blip on the radar next to the Crusades, David Koresh, and God himelf smiting/flooding the earth (as depicted in that ancient storybook.) But we’ll spare jezuzfreek777 the factual history lesson today and get to the real meaty stuff…
Remember when you brought your first girlfriend home (who am I kidding, this is a video game comedy site, just pretend with me here) and your parents did or said something that was infuriatingly embarrassing? Or remember when you were a kid and your parents wouldn’t let you stay up late or watch Sir Mix-a-lot videos on MTV? Be happy that those little moments of misery were tackled internally, within the confines of your household. You know, instead of being broadcasted on fucking Youtube for 80,000 people to point and laugh at. I’m sure the notion of jezuzfreek’s son not being able to play an M-rated game pales in comparison to the years of abuse he’ll get from his peers for having such a dickhead, webevangelist of a father publicizing his entire upbringing. If this kid wasn’t harboring any suicidal tendencies, paternal murder plans or brewing a full on maniacal killing spree, he is now.
So congrats on turning your child into a permanently damaged, self loathing social trainwreck who can’t go out in public without being bombarded by ridicule. Hope it was worth the Youtube “stardom.” Grand Theft Auto IV is available in stores now. And it’s pretty fucking awesome. So is science.
3 Comments [+] 
Digg 
Del.icio.us 
Technorati 
StumbleUpon
More: GTA IV, cheat codez, your dad
By Niko
I have only been in American country for so long and already I see longest line since great Russia bread hunt of ‘93. Yes, I am star of famous new game Grand Theft Automobilings IV so this news attracts a happy smile to my face and large wallet attention to see gaming fan everywhere line up to make Saints Row trade-in to purchase my game. In my country we have saying, out with the old lady woman and in comes with a more tender innocent for sexual enjoyingments. Many thanking to EB Games for still accepting trading of rubbish like Saints Row, I know the only reason many made purchase was because new Rockstar masterpiece had not yet made arrival. Not to worry fans, no more knockoffs or I will break their kneecaps. Niko is here to make fix. GTA IV is like giant Serbian pop star orgy with beautiful virgins. Saints Row is like making sleeping with prostitute version of Cher!
Montreal, Canada - Yesterday, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper sent horse drawn carriages to pick up some of the Game Designers from Rockstar North who had worked on the Grand Theft Auto Series in an attempt to show them that Montreal is a great place for the franchise to head next. We tailed the trail through the woods in the MW Party Van™ and noticed some Canadians riding Moose, Elk and Golden Eagles like whimsical elven adventurers with turtlenecked sweaters. Quite the sight!
Grand Theft Auto IV baby! It’s the game of the year no matter how you spin it. Seriously, what else are you looking forward to (Metal Gear Solid 4)? Although, this M rated masterpiece begs the question: how do the youngins get their play on? Surely they’ll get carded at the gates of GameStop, leaving them with no way to experience Niko’s hustle through the newly revamped streets of Liberty City. Why waste that expensive marketing campaign and all that street hype on just the big kids? Well, The -Minus World got the hook up, an exclusive first look at Rockstar’s Grand Theft Auto IV Activity Book For Kids. Sure, it lacks the bullet fun frenzy of the actual game, but for the tek-toting tykes of tomorrow, it’s the next best thing!
