Uncle Gus’ Gamin’ Joke Corner!

Gus on November 25th, 2008

Hello gamers, be warned! The jokes you are about to witness have not been tested on the public. They are created to test the human will and spirit. Side effects may include mild nausea, smart ass remarks, and the delusion to think you could come up with something better (which you can’t.) With that said, take a look into my soul. These are the untold jokes of Uncle Gus’ hutchery!

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Thwomp The Vote ‘08 - Mario’s Last Ditch Effort Ad Campaign

Gus on October 30th, 2008

As poll numbers dwindle and things start to get down to the wire, Mario has launched a last minute gritty and offensive ad campaign against his opponent Luigi. The campaign consists of kingdom-high banner posters that highlight Mario’s history as a dignified, weathered soldier with experience and know how during times of war. Mario fortified the campaign by speaking at rallies after several Naskart racing events in his most supportive regions and blasting his adversary’s lack of familiarity with such a combative age. “Luigi is timid, he’s scared that he doesn’t know what he’ll do with this country. Just look at his legs shake when he jumps. The White House will be like an evil haunted ghost house to him.” Luigi, who has always run his campaign with positivity and optimism, vowed to “not leave a slew of banana peels behind” as he blazed forward on the trail towards election day. Only the history books will dictate which method of movement will be the more effective one. We’re just a few days away from flagpole, folks, and Thwomp The Vote will cover every minute of it, right down to the fireworks.

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Punch-Out: The Most Racist Video Game Ever Made

Sub Farooq on March 3rd, 2008

And in the nineteenth hundred and ninetieth year A.D., the Lord created Super Nintendo…and it was good. Upon its American release, people flocked to their nearest video game retailer and embraced the new console as a welcomed diversion from their meaningless lives filled with crappy sitcoms (i.e. Step by Step) and hair metal (i.e. Night Ranger). Also, in the same year, Nintendo decided to rename the titles of one of their most popular 8-bit games (Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!) to simply “Punch Out!.”

Truth be told, people shouldn’t give two shits about old school Nintendo game names after Super Nintendo came out …hell, I don’t think Nintendo really cared in the first place (c’mon guys…. Rad Racer? Really?). Most people who were into video games were too busy playing Super Mario World to care about 8-bit titles….even if “Dig-Dug” had been changed to “Super Pedophile Cocaine Master” on the older console. Who cares about the past when it comes to stuff like this? Worry about the present people. That’s like our government right now cracking down on pornography by destroying old 8mm burlesque footage of two-hundred pound broads in pasties flopping around to swing music while the kiddies pound off to trannies online.

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