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Archive for the " Kent " Category
During a press conference this morning, Fed chairman Ben Bernanke identified the primary cause of America’s current financial crisis: Risky financial decisions by fans desperately attempting to secure copies of the upcoming video game Fallout 3.
In a surprising moment of maturity, part-time programmer and avid gamer Brendan Carlson has announced that he plans to raise a new World of Warcraft character in anticipation of becoming a real life dad.
“The second my girlfriend told me, I knew what I had to do. I sold my character to some dude in China and started back at level 1,” said Carlson, who went so far as to name his new character BrendanJr. “He killed his first kobold today. I was tearing it up!”
In a bizarre turn of events, video game savant and cult personality Billy Mitchell has reportedly taken a hostage in his hometown of Hollywood, Florida. According to early reports, Mitchell was seen at a local video arcade, where he began ranting about “honor and respect” after jamming his finger on the Centipede trackball several times in a row while trying to set yet another world record. Mitchell snapped, exiting the arcade in a cloud of stray mullet hairs and driving to the construction site of his new multi-story Mega-Rickey’s Restaurant. He then grabbed his assistant Kaylee around the waist and ascended into the construction site, where he has begun to make a series of increasingly implausible demands.
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More: Kent, donkey kong, mario
Are you ready for Nintendo’s most immersive gaming experience yet? Welcome to the Nintendo Infinity S, the gaming console/protective body suit of the future!
Simply slip on the stylus finger-gloves, don the helmet to engage dozens of virtual touchscreens, insert the Nintendo Game Needle directly into the base of your spine, and you’re ready to go! Connect with friends and give vocal commands through the tiny microphone implanted in your new false tooth (hand-installed by our crack team of Nigerian dentists!)
And best of all, the Nintendo Game Needle engages directly with your central nervous system, sending signals to sensitive pressure points throughout your body. Empathize with your Pokémon like never before, feeling each scratch, punch, and bruise as they slowly lose consciousness.
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More: Kent, nintendo, peripherals, wii
PRESS RELEASE:
“Hey Billy, come on over! We’re playing Rock Band?”
“Aw, man! I have orchestra today…”
Do you feel left out at your friends’ Rock Band parties? Do you have a love of reed instruments? Do you idolize St. Elmo’s Fire era Rob Lowe? Well now it’s time for you to plug in, turn on and sax out! Hop on the Rock Band-wagon with Rock Band: 80s Sax Solo Expansion Pak!* Jam out the way the Rock Gods intended - on a woodwind! Impress your friends and loved ones with searing solos on such tracks as:
Billy Joel- Still Rock and Roll to Me
Men At Work- Who Can It Be Now?
George Thorogood- Bad to the Bone
Rick James- Super Freak
Duran Duran- Rio
Bruce Springsteen- Dancing in the Dark
Billy Ocean- Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car
But Wait, There’s More!
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More: Headlines, Kent, rock band, sax in the mouth
