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Archive for the " luigi " Category
As the campaign race between Mario and Luigi quickly approaches election day, a promotional war is being fought in the streets by each candidate’s supporters. Mario’s side has stuck to traditional means of spreading the word by relying on hateful television ads and borderline retarded right wing radio hosts to downplay his opponent, while Luigi’s camp has been utilizing grassroots style publicity pleas, bake sales, and drum circles. From the subterranean slums of the sewer stages to the glitzy riches of Star Road, it seems every inch of surface in the Mushroom Kingdom is being blanketed with advertising. Are Luigi’s supporters taking things too far? How will Mario’s historically slanderous street team clap back? And why the fuck is everyone in World 4 always undecided? Stay tuned for all these answers and more as our Thwomp The Vote ‘08 coverage continues!
Every four years, we have a choice. A choice that determines the direction we as a country move. A choice that affects not only our country, but each and every country across the world. A choice now between two men, one of which will lead us as President of the United States of America. However, we’re not the only ones preparing to elect a new president. All across the Mushroom Kingdom patriotic citizens are intent to vote on the issues that matter to them: Warp Pipe reform, gold coin taxes, the threat of Koopa extremists, and bringing the Toad troops home.
Ladies and Gentlemen, The Minus World presents our “October Surprise”: Thwomp the Vote ‘08!
From now until November 4th when you, the people, will have the chance to vote for your candidate at Minus World Election HQ, we will be your #1 source of video game election news. Expect nothing but the most hard-hitting, unbiased reports on the candidates and their policies from our award-winning news team, starting right now with our exclusive coverage of last night’s first debate between Mario and Luigi.
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Dear Chiz,
We’re pretty sure that your dad has a drug problem, or should we say had when he named you. If Dad hasn’t told you that “Mommy lives in the arctic with the polar bears,” you should probably ask Mom to take you tricher treeting this Halloween. Our advice is to study really fucking hard in school, because it’s only going to be harder for you as you age. What we’re going to say next might startle some of our readers, but Chiz, you should probably tell Dad to put down the NES controller and the patchouli oil and pick up a classified section of the local newspaper and find a fucking job.
Yours truly,
The Minus World
Recently we surprised our Romanian correspondent Henric Stanislav with the first paycheck we’ve issued to anyone in the company because of the amazing interview we had gotten from him back in March. Anyway, you know what that sly motherfucker did with his check? He cashed it in for a flight to the Mushroom Kingdom on what he calls “Voyage Hopefully Findings More Building Evil Than Henrics.” I think he was trying to say he’s on a scouting mission to find a building more bad-ass than the Evil Building in Lugoj, Romania. He mailed us a letter with his findings from his trip to Luigi’s Haunted Mansion.
by Luigi
Bartender! You didn’ts fills this to the TOP! Let me just tell ya something, let me just tell ya something. You sees my brother over there dancing with that FOX? He’s my brother. He doesn’t deserve the kingdom she walks on. I’m mean look at him. And look at her! If I saved her from evil I’d be tearin’ it up right now. Nooooo. He’s just playing it cool. He’s had a condom in his wallet since the 80s, I mean come on. She’s just using him its soooo obvious. I’d slam her so hard she’d go blind. …. I’m so lonely. Where are you going? Pour me ANOTHER SHOT! I like you, come closer. Do you think I’ll ever find my princess? Eh, what do you know, your face looks like I could grate cheese on it. WAIT! Come back, I didn’t mean it… They tried to set me up with this other chick Daisy. Daisy? What kind of ’skip to my lou’ kind of name is that. This ain’t the 20s, doll. Ah, anyway the date’s going great, she’s laughing at my jokes, touching my leg. All signs point to 3rd base on my waterbed. So I bring her back to my ghost house and she… get this… she wets herself and runs home. I know the place was a mess but get with the times lady. So I freakin’ pull up my pants and come here to this sh*t. Pour me another… Ahhh, just leave the bottle. I need a princess of my own.
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