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Archive for the " NES " Category
Chigago, IL - Stars of the NES action game Double Dribble, Sidney Deane and Billy Hoyle, have made themselves a new home hustling on the streets of the windy city. It all turned very illegal very quickly once their Double Dribble royalties ran out. When asked about the seedy underbelly of back street hoops, Sidney Deane commented “Oh man, shut your anorexic malnutrition tapeworm-having overdose on Dick Gregory Bahamian diet-drinking ass up. Leave me alone!” Clearly the words of a man gone insane. We consulted his partner about their new “occupations” and his response was just as aggravated. “I’ll tell you what, why don’t we take all these bricks and build a shelter for the homeless, so maybe your mother will have a place to stay.”
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More: B Miggs, Headlines, NES, pixel parodies
Minus World Psych Ward: September 3, 2008
Case File: MW-090308-02
Subject Name(s): Little Mac
Subject Little Mac started consulting with us over 20 years ago and is one of the oldest patients at our offices. When he first started coming in December of 1988 he complained of migraines and muscle pains. During his first visit, he was quoted as saying, “I would punch out of work at the drug store around 4pm and Doc Louis would pick me up and I’d train for around 8 hours. He also gave me back rubs between rounds. He told me it was for optimum muscle relaxation.” We sent him home with a prescription for Valium and recommended some bed rest and time away from fighting.
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More: B Miggs, Headlines, NES, Psych Ward, punch-out
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More: General, NES, agent b, comic, kid icarus
Minus World Psych Ward: August 12, 2008
Case File: MW-081208-01
Subjects Name(s): Bill “Mad Dog” Rizer & Lance “Scorpion” Bean
Findings: Patients Rizer and Bean are currently under our care, as per the authorities request, in the aftermath of subjects releasing a spray of bullets in Time Square, NYC that left dozens dead instantly.
Subjects clearly exhibit anti-social tendencies and complain of seeing visions of “aliens” which could suggest classic symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. However, initial diagnosis is hampered by the fact that, upon investigating military records, subjects did not show up as enrolled servicemen in any U.S. military engagement. When the attending physician confronted them with this fact, both subjects explained they had been involved in a “war against giant fucking aliens in an undisclosed location in Central America.” Moreover, both subjects adamantly profess an unparalleled proficiency in “every friggin gun you can imagine…and even lasers man!”
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More: B Miggs, Headlines, NES, Psych Ward, contra, contra code
“Farewell and adieu to you, fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu, you ladies of Spain. For we’ve received orders for to sail back to Boston. And so nevermore shall we see you again.” - The Best Movie Ever Made
I feel a little bit like Quint from Steven Spielberg’s “Jaws” tonight while I sit back, crack a 16 oz. Coors Light Can and watch Shark Week on The Discovery Channel. I don’t know, call me crazy but I feel like I’m going to need a bigger boat while I delve into the inner workings of my childhood and remember the game Jaws for NES. It was one of my favorites. My brother and I (who might look like me but isn’t me) spent long and arduous hours trying and failing completely at that game. Sometimes it’s the games you can’t beat that you remember forever. Like a guy who lives on an island, yet hates the water, I feel a little humbled and need another shot on the mainland to get my feet wet. Fuck it, give me Jaws NES or give me death!
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