Psych-Ward: Pac Man & Ms. Pac Man

B Miggs on November 3rd, 2008

Minus World Psych Ward: November 2, 2008

Case File: MW-090308-03

Subject Name(s): Pac-Man & Ms. Pac-Man

The depravity packed duo checked in to the ward last week and we haven’t seen a case like this since Mickey & Mallory, or Bonnie & Clyde. They expressed pure hatred towards authority figures brought on by a constant fear of the spotlight and someone they refer to as Mr. Namco. They had been strung out and robbing local liquor stores and gas stations in search of “power pellets” which we learned were just huge rocks of cocaine. We’ve been finding it hard to isolate them to the psych ward because its just basically a big maze and they have intricate knowledge of mazes and a fear of being chased by ghosts.

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Hey Namco, It’s Pac-Man. Please Stop Collectively F*cking My Corpse

Pac-man on May 12th, 2008

After over 62 thousand spin offs, ports, rehashes and cash-ins, I, the iconic video game legend Pac-Man, have reached my breaking point. Namco, give it a goddamn rest. I’m basically the National Lampoons of video gaming. A once heralded superstar who has devolved into bottom shelf shovelings on a Best Buy clearance rack. It was bad enough being a caged animal, trapped in a perpetual maze where I was chased by haunting spirits and fed pellets and fruits to survive like an Acme lab rat. But the level of perverse derangement I endured hasn’t stopped there. Now I am forced to drive go karts, dress up as a pinball, and fight atrocious camera controls in awkward 3D environments. I’m suing my creators, I want full control of my likeness and character back. Those terrible games they forced me to star in don’t even begin to scratch the surface of all the horrible crimes that Namco has beaten into me over the years…

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