A Giant, Tangled Pile Of Minimalist Design Aesthetic

agent b on September 22nd, 2008

Remember when Nintendo jacked Apple’s whole marketing steez and promoted sleek simplicity, clean minimalism and sought to reduce decades of progressively bloated video game controller madness into a simple white wand? Well, my coffee table doesn’t. It’s too busy being suffocated by a veritable gangbang of cables, failed shell peripherals and awkward, idiotic controller jackets. Sure, some of them are beautiful game enhancing goodness (Classic Controller, how I love thee), but mostly it’s just one big insult to the imagination. I think by now we’re all pretty accustomed to pretending video game controllers are steering wheels or guns; we don’t need clunky plastic shells to help bridge our brains to the on-screen madness, especially when they don’t look anything like their real-life counterparts.

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Nintendo Announces Nintendo Infinity S

Kent on September 15th, 2008

Are you ready for Nintendo’s most immersive gaming experience yet? Welcome to the Nintendo Infinity S, the gaming console/protective body suit of the future!

Simply slip on the stylus finger-gloves, don the helmet to engage dozens of virtual touchscreens, insert the Nintendo Game Needle directly into the base of your spine, and you’re ready to go! Connect with friends and give vocal commands through the tiny microphone implanted in your new false tooth (hand-installed by our crack team of Nigerian dentists!)

And best of all, the Nintendo Game Needle engages directly with your central nervous system, sending signals to sensitive pressure points throughout your body. Empathize with your Pokémon like never before, feeling each scratch, punch, and bruise as they slowly lose consciousness.

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Nintendo Announces WiiBody Suit

B Miggs on May 22nd, 2008

Today Nintendo sent us what they’re calling “the ultimate contoured advancement in motion-wear.” I have no idea what that means, but we bet it would look fly on your ma dukes so we asked her to model it for us. What we found was a surprisingly fit slick-suit of ergonomic Wii fetishism (not shown is the giant B button on that fat ass of hers.) I guess if the Wii itself was a social lubricant used to lure unexpecting dates and the elderly into your den of depravity, the Wii body suit should let you do the same thing at Walmart, the beach and anywhere else where such a ridiculous outfit would be acceptable in public. The crotch-spot placement of the power button makes me never want to see the men’s version.

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