T-MW: Dr. Mario Disgraced! Loses Medical License For Suspicious Prescriptions

T-MW on September 11th, 2008

Dr. Mario has long been the pinnacle of physician perfection, but his penchant for prescribing fen phen to Princess Peach in exchange for filthy sexual perversions has been exposed! The mustachioed MD may be eager to mete out illegal medications, but the Mushroom Kingdom medical board has no mercy for medicinal malfeasance; Dr. Mario’s debauchery cost him his doctorate.
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Why the @!#% don’t I get a princess too?

Luigi on May 2nd, 2008

by Luigi

Bartender! You didn’ts fills this to the TOP! Let me just tell ya something, let me just tell ya something. You sees my brother over there dancing with that FOX? He’s my brother. He doesn’t deserve the kingdom she walks on. I’m mean look at him. And look at her! If I saved her from evil I’d be tearin’ it up right now. Nooooo. He’s just playing it cool. He’s had a condom in his wallet since the 80s, I mean come on. She’s just using him its soooo obvious. I’d slam her so hard she’d go blind. …. I’m so lonely. Where are you going? Pour me ANOTHER SHOT! I like you, come closer. Do you think I’ll ever find my princess? Eh, what do you know, your face looks like I could grate cheese on it. WAIT! Come back, I didn’t mean it… They tried to set me up with this other chick Daisy. Daisy? What kind of ’skip to my lou’ kind of name is that. This ain’t the 20s, doll. Ah, anyway the date’s going great, she’s laughing at my jokes, touching my leg. All signs point to 3rd base on my waterbed. So I bring her back to my ghost house and she… get this… she wets herself and runs home. I know the place was a mess but get with the times lady. So I freakin’ pull up my pants and come here to this sh*t. Pour me another… Ahhh, just leave the bottle. I need a princess of my own.

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A Letter From Franklin Fister

the -minus world on April 3rd, 2008

Dearest Franklin,

We find you letter incredibly offensive. What is the deal with that hand writing of yours? It’s really quite poor. You should practice on some nice lined paper when you get a chance, it’s very helpful! Have you tried writing in cursive yet? You may find that the flow of the ink as your pen glides over the paper can be a relaxing and almost melodic compliment to your diction. Or if you simply aren’t cut out for the art of the written word, you can always pick up a nice type writer and get cracking on that sassy who-dunnit you’ve been kicking around in that witty head of yours for the last few years. A great place to be inspired is a nice local diner where the coffee pot stays on the table the whole time and the waitress has her hair in a bun. Just hammer away at those keys and make your dreams come true!

P.S. Your bed is wet because we took turns pissing on it, sucka!
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