Archive for the " ps3 " Category
Redwood City, California - Former Microsoft Vice President of their entertainment department, Peter Moore has been arrested for littering at 3PM after a hail of bullets and bystander casualties. Authorities believed the recent strong sales of the PS3 have driven him to the edge, buying up every Sony console he could get his hands on with his new EA paycheck, and promptly tossing them off the nearest bridge. It took 12 men in blue to contain the man’s Hulk like aggression as he repeatedly shouted the words “I have to finish the fight!” Officers only realized the man had been littering when enough PS3s were lodged into the dam below that biblical flooding caused a Halo 3 tournament & Zan Perrion seminar to be canceled. “We’ve held him over night and he’s already given himself a ‘Solid Snake’ tattoo,” explains Chief Razorchin. “All day he counted aloud the number of push-ups he did. He’s up to 35.” No word on when he’ll be released. The conjugal visits with a mysterious man dressed in a fan made Master Chief outfit have the guards demanding he be set free immediately.
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More: ps3
Since its conception, Sony has repeatedly proclaimed that the PS3 was not a video game console, but clearly a computer. While this was mostly seen as just another pick up line in their long series of baffling attempts to woo the industry through bad PR and scary haircuts, it was one that Sony held close to heart. It’s tough to launch a $600 plastic box without having to save face somehow, and in this instance the plan was to classify it as something it clearly wasn’t.
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More: playstation, ps3, sony
Amidst strong criticism that their latest opus - MGS4: The Guns of the Patriots - is more movie than game, Konami has partnered with Sony yet again to bring the ultimate PS3 bundle to gamers. The MGS4: Popcorn of the Patriots bundle will include an assortment of candy, a giant bowl of popcorn, a 3-liter bottle of gaming fuel Mountain Dew, and, of course, one copy of MGS4 complete with an 80GB PS3. The MSRP will be $599…that’s a lot of candy! Early adopters will even be rewarded with a bonus CD full of ambient theater sounds, including crying kids, assholes talking on their cell phones, and confused old people having the plot explained to them. Act now!
*special thanks to NGG superstar Umbongo for the leaked script idea for this post.
Never satisfied with what hardware manufacturers have to offer, gamers tend to take the design aesthetic portion of things into their own, slimy, talentless hands. That’s nice and all, but the results are usually pricey, bulky, and most importantly, absolutely atrocious. But mere words cannot describe such artistic debauchery, so let’s get on with the show.
Two Screens One Touch DS Lite
When life gives you memetic coprophagia pornography, don’t make dual screened, shit stained lemonade out of it. Just shake your head in disbelief like the rest of us did and try to wash away the painful memories.
IGN’s negative nancy review of Free Radical’s futuristic FPS Haze comes as a downer for PS3 fans who once heralded this (timed?) exclusive as a reason to purchase a console this year. With all the money and development time that went into the game, isn’t a 4.5 a little harsh? These are the Time Spliitters guys after all, it can’t be that bad. So why does Haze get shat on from such great heights? Money hats, or the lack of them being tossed in IGN’s direction. That’s right, not every company can just pony up cash and secure a week’s worth of entire site wrapping ad space culminating in a 10/10 review…you’ve gotta pass the IGN fraternity hazing trials first!
So best of luck to Free Radical’s future en devours and lets hope that your freshman fifteen isn’t mostly comprised of paddle wounds, goat’s milk and circle jerked crackers passed down from super seniors. We’re rooting for you!
Grand Theft Auto IV baby! It’s the game of the year no matter how you spin it. Seriously, what else are you looking forward to (Metal Gear Solid 4)? Although, this M rated masterpiece begs the question: how do the youngins get their play on? Surely they’ll get carded at the gates of GameStop, leaving them with no way to experience Niko’s hustle through the newly revamped streets of Liberty City. Why waste that expensive marketing campaign and all that street hype on just the big kids? Well, The -Minus World got the hook up, an exclusive first look at Rockstar’s Grand Theft Auto IV Activity Book For Kids. Sure, it lacks the bullet fun frenzy of the actual game, but for the tek-toting tykes of tomorrow, it’s the next best thing!
Known mostly for being a shiny dumpster for half assed PS3 ports and a temporary halfway house for inevitably superior PS2 games, the PSP never really had many possessions to call its own. That’s about to “change” with the release of Feed the Homeless, a unique excursion into the every day life of your typical Meals On Wheels employee as he feeds starving polygonal street peasants and panhandlers. Shuffle them in from the cold, secure their typical bartering devices (like broken toasters, crystal meth and dirty, dirty porno tapes) and get them some food and coffee. You’ll spend hundreds of hours immersed in this fantastic world of giving! In fact, you may finally get a break from all those real world problems, like stank-ass old homeless people. Gross!
