Psych-Ward: Pac Man & Ms. Pac Man

B Miggs on November 3rd, 2008

Minus World Psych Ward: November 2, 2008

Case File: MW-090308-03

Subject Name(s): Pac-Man & Ms. Pac-Man

The depravity packed duo checked in to the ward last week and we haven’t seen a case like this since Mickey & Mallory, or Bonnie & Clyde. They expressed pure hatred towards authority figures brought on by a constant fear of the spotlight and someone they refer to as Mr. Namco. They had been strung out and robbing local liquor stores and gas stations in search of “power pellets” which we learned were just huge rocks of cocaine. We’ve been finding it hard to isolate them to the psych ward because its just basically a big maze and they have intricate knowledge of mazes and a fear of being chased by ghosts.

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Psych-Ward: Little Mac Addicted To Everything

B Miggs on September 3rd, 2008

Minus World Psych Ward: September 3, 2008

Case File: MW-090308-02

Subject Name(s): Little Mac

Subject Little Mac started consulting with us over 20 years ago and is one of the oldest patients at our offices. When he first started coming in December of 1988 he complained of migraines and muscle pains. During his first visit, he was quoted as saying, “I would punch out of work at the drug store around 4pm and Doc Louis would pick me up and I’d train for around 8 hours. He also gave me back rubs between rounds. He told me it was for optimum muscle relaxation.” We sent him home with a prescription for Valium and recommended some bed rest and time away from fighting.

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Psych Ward: Contra Soldier’s Shell Shock

B Miggs on August 13th, 2008

Minus World Psych Ward: August 12, 2008

Case File: MW-081208-01

Subjects Name(s): Bill “Mad Dog” Rizer & Lance “Scorpion” Bean

Findings: Patients Rizer and Bean are currently under our care, as per the authorities request, in the aftermath of subjects releasing a spray of bullets in Time Square, NYC that left dozens dead instantly.

Subjects clearly exhibit anti-social tendencies and complain of seeing visions of “aliens” which could suggest classic symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. However, initial diagnosis is hampered by the fact that, upon investigating military records, subjects did not show up as enrolled servicemen in any U.S. military engagement. When the attending physician confronted them with this fact, both subjects explained they had been involved in a “war against giant fucking aliens in an undisclosed location in Central America.” Moreover, both subjects adamantly profess an unparalleled proficiency in “every friggin gun you can imagine…and even lasers man!”

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