Responding to Accusations, Capcom Makes Resident Evil 5 Even More Racist

agent b on June 19th, 2008

Ever since the next installment of the zombie slaughtering “Resident Evil” franchise was announced to be taking place in a remote country in Africa, white people everywhere took to message boards in protest. The initial idea for Resident Evil 5 pitted the player against African villagers, a concept that didn’t sit well with pointlessly sensitive gamers who had become so used to fighting predominantly light skinned fictitious video game zombies all their lives. The game’s creators promptly responded last month by releasing a new trailer which featured a slightly more diverse batch of enemies but alas, detractors were still not satisfied. That’s why today, Capcom has released an exclusive first look at the now equal opportunistically racist Resident Evil 5: White Guilt, an all out onslaught of undead stereotypes and obvious ethnic jokes in poor taste.
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Racism Returns: Saints Row 2 Box-Art Revealed

the -minus world on May 19th, 2008

Everyone’s favorite polygonal minstrel show is coming back to your Xbox360! If we all play pretend together, we can imagine that violent sandbox games have been noticeably absent this generation and that a void for this shit actually exists. Well, THQ and Volition have teamed up to fix that. Saints Row 2 stars upcoming white emcee Whiko Bellic as he battles for white supremacy through dozens of racial stereotypes, all of which do their best to set black people back 100 years. And since 80% of video game programmers are white, you know that a rap-thematic tale of urban on goings is going to be in good hands. Volition has spent the last year spying on Rockstar Games listening to their fan’s demands, playing GTA IV playing the first Saints Row, and are ready for their next big absurdly racist hit. And we all know how original a bunch of white people can be! In case we haven’t laid the sarcasm on thick enough, Saints Row is racist as fuck and you’re an idiot for supporting it.

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This Is Either A Donkey Konga Review Or An Alternate Method Of Anger Management For Girls Who Drink Too Much Gin

Scarlene on March 6th, 2008

This game completely changed my life. I went from smashing out store front windows, random people’s faces, binge drinking through life and throwing up on people’s couches, to just being drunk and hilarious. How? Donkey Konga, that’s how, you dumb yatch.  The object of the game is to completely smash the shit out of some giant plastic bongos and if you happen to do it in rhythm, you win. I’m dead serious. You just sit there hitting shit. That’s it. In fact, you’re allowed and encouraged to do so.  It’s like heaven wrapped itself in Nintendo packaging and brought itself to my doorstep.

I think every bar in the land should have this game. Get people all cranked up on Sparks or Red Bull vodkas and let them take all their pent up aggression out on inanimate objects instead of each other. Donkey Konga is good for people from all walks of life. Frat boys, abuse victims turned porn stars, your white trash grandfather that’s a little itchy with the switch, and anyone who’s ever felt oppressed or frustrated for whatever excuse they have for being a shitty person this week. Buy it instead of spending money on tissue boxes, doilies and sending flowers to yourself. I highly recommend and will also school your ass in said game.

Punch-Out: The Most Racist Video Game Ever Made

Sub Farooq on March 3rd, 2008

And in the nineteenth hundred and ninetieth year A.D., the Lord created Super Nintendo…and it was good. Upon its American release, people flocked to their nearest video game retailer and embraced the new console as a welcomed diversion from their meaningless lives filled with crappy sitcoms (i.e. Step by Step) and hair metal (i.e. Night Ranger). Also, in the same year, Nintendo decided to rename the titles of one of their most popular 8-bit games (Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!) to simply “Punch Out!.”

Truth be told, people shouldn’t give two shits about old school Nintendo game names after Super Nintendo came out …hell, I don’t think Nintendo really cared in the first place (c’mon guys…. Rad Racer? Really?). Most people who were into video games were too busy playing Super Mario World to care about 8-bit titles….even if “Dig-Dug” had been changed to “Super Pedophile Cocaine Master” on the older console. Who cares about the past when it comes to stuff like this? Worry about the present people. That’s like our government right now cracking down on pornography by destroying old 8mm burlesque footage of two-hundred pound broads in pasties flopping around to swing music while the kiddies pound off to trannies online.

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