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Archive for the " red ring of death " Category
360 owners rejoice! Microsoft has finally come up with a way to prevent the dreaded Red Ring of Death from bricking your beloved console. That’s right - no more sending your system to Washington in a Microsoft-brand cardboard coffin and waiting 6 to 8 weeks curled up in fetal position in front of the TV for its return. For a meager 1,200 MS points (that’s $15), you will be able to download a patch that protects your 360 indefinitely. But wait…there’s more!
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More: Massouken, XBL, red ring of death, xbox360
Minus World spies (i.e. our new interns posing as cleaning people) have recently discovered Bill Gates’ newest summer mansion, dubbed Ring Red. This beautiful Spanish-inspired villa sits on 360 acres of farmland within the vast Washington countryside. In light of Microsoft’s recent console problems, the design of this multi-million dollar home may seem a bit inconsiderate. But rest assured that even Gates has felt the pinch after collectively donkey punching hundreds of thousands of consumers. He was forced to cut an airstrip from the original blueprint, as well as the purchase of (another) private jet. That’s a lot worse than being without your shiny TV game box and game tapes for 6 to 8 weeks.
Ah, the ill-fated Xbox 360 Red Ring of Death, how we fear thy ways. After all, with a 16% failure rate, it could happen to anyone. For some of us, it already has. Multiple times. And as much as we love spending a half hour coaxing Microsoft’s customer service into sending us a “coffin” (the sad cardboard box used to mail back your deceased console) only to receive yet another broken replacement, sometimes its easier to just give up. Well then, the least that Microsoft could do is give us a few ideas of what to do with this giant, expired paperweight of failure. That’s why we propose the official Red Ring of Death Apology Manual, printed and paid for by Microsoft themselves, of course. Besides, what else are you gonna do with the damn thing?
Read on
The notorious Red Ring Of Death has baffled unknowing Protanopia sufferer Alvred Barclay, keeping him from enjoying the 360’s healthy library of generic FPS games and frequent XBL problems like the rest of us. “I’m so angry I want to smash my red (editor’s note: it’s actually green) guitar on something!” gasped Barclay as he mistakenly expected a green shell to home in on his opponent in Mario Kart. “I tried to buy Valve’s new Half Life collection ‘The Orange Box’ but I couldn’t find it anywhere.” Alvred stood confused and hopeless as he stared up at his Italian flag (editor’s note: it’s actually Irish) for help and guidance. Our news team decided against informing him about his disability and getting his broken 360 some help and instead opted to run to the internet and publicly make fun of him. Read on
