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At a secret booth at this year’s Tokyo Game Show, a Sonic Team representative gave us a rare look at how modern 3D Sonic games are made. Their latest effort, Sonic Unleashed, features Sonic as a werehog slowly combating enemies in an outdoor European café. No joke. They must have played the original Sonic games and said “this is fun, but what if we made it slower, clunkier, hairier, and more European?” Thus, Sonic Unleashed was born. Before being taken backstage by Sega (who has been taking Sonic fans in the backstage since the mid 90s), we mumbled to ourselves, “do these idiots have a giant wheel where they come up with all these terrible ideas?” Lo and behold, we were right on the money!
(failure bolded for emphasis)
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In an announcement that seems years in the making, Sega has finally conceded in the battle against good art. That’s right, the guys who created such memorable video game icons as Big The Cat have given up and left the creative work up to their fans. A recently revealed contest shows Sega on their knees, begging for some art assistance from the last few loyal Sonic fans on earth, promising that their work will be featured in the cut-scenes of the upcoming Sonic And The Black Knight. Just make sure you hurry up and get your fingerprints and doodles in by September 12th! After all, what would a Sonic game be without it being rushed in every aspect? But wait, as much as we’d love to mock Sega for the generally atrocious art direction they’ve taken their mascot the last few years, would their fans be any better? The answer to that question is a giant, bold “NO” spray-painted in hot pink across the pearly gates of a manga convention. In fact, we’re even willing to back up our claim with visual evidence. So hide your children and hang on to your pantaloons, the 20 worst examples of Sonic The Hedgehog fan art are about to punch you in the goggles.
Sega proves again that their genius has no rival. The cover of the September issue of Nintendo Power has unveiled “Sonic & The Black Knight.” The biggest next-gen/black comedy crossover in history has arrived! How many more of these games can we take before Sega hires a new marketing team? I’ll tell you how many: 5 of them after the jump.
Finally! Nintendo and Sega just jogged through the toxins of stark overpopulated protest to bring us the most deadly-to-inhale video game of our barely breathable summer. Depicting a much more accurate Beijing festival of treacherous athleticism, Mario & Sonic team up to most likely die in unison. Who will win first!?
So pump your fists and cheer for our species before we’re eradicated by smog and acid rain . Go Olympics!
The hit television show Deadliest Catch may lead you to believe that the rugged fisherman of the great seasonal hunt for Alaskan King Crab have the toughest job that the icy Bering Sea waters have to offer. But beyond even their worst experiences lies a far greater reward that only the allure of a certain video game villain mastermind can haul in. Enter Doctor Captain Robotnik as he dares venture off the coast of the Dutch Harbor into the dark seas of Green Hill Zone to bring in the world’s most treasured delicacy…
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More: B Miggs, Headlines, pixel parodies, sonic, xbox360
Green Hill Zone - The gaming world joined hands today to collectively skip out on the recent passing of shitty Sonic the Hedgehog side character, Big the Cat. Doctors have yet to confirm the cause of Big’s death but inside sources say he most likely died of fail. When asked for comment, diabolical villain Doctor Robotnik replied “Who the fuck is that?”
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