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Archive for the " sony " Category
Hot off the heels of tonight’s surprise debut of the Nintendo DSi, (a new portable system which can connect to a network store to purchase downloadable games) Sony has fired back with an even more surprising system redesign. Previously, the Sony PSP was known less for its forgettable library of games and more for its ability to be hacked and serve as a shiny emulator for classic Nintendo roms and the PSPi has just upped the game. Sony chairman Kaz Hirai was eager to break it down for dat ass. “You can illegally download Nintendo DS roms and play them on this fucking thing. Just buy it so I don’t get fired.”
Philanthropy at its finest, marching for marketing, or hungry for humanity, Nintendo has taken an active role in the community over the years. Whether it was giving Wii’s to Children’s Hospitals, Giving DSs To Underprivileged Kids, or Passing out Wario’s Flatulation to Los Angelites, they’ve done a great job of giving back. Pressure on their odd lack of competition peers has lead to some good things, some bad things, and some shit that I would just plain shed a single tear for if I ever saw.
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More: B Miggs, Capcom, EA, activision, lucas arts, microsoft, nintendo, rockstar, silicon knights, sony, valve
“Remember to walk the dog and water the plants. We love you kids.”
….
Ten minutes later, the plants are all being smoked and the dog is doing a reverse Benji, running into the hills at the speed of sound. Twenty-five minutes later and the Sony Home’s once pristine, conservative decor is transformed into a Beer Bong funneling barrage of spewing liquids and wet white t-shirts. DJ Courtesy Flush then announced the semi-annual “Strip Tease For Charity” on the patio where several young women made life altering decisions which would allow their future therapists to purchase the Indian’s Pride stitched leather seats for their newly leased Dodge Caravan. Who ever invited Jeff let Jeff fall asleep on the couch while smoking a bowl, torching the Pottery Barn best seller. A PS3 was used as a shield in a knife fight. All in all, a raging party you totally missed because you were probably at home watching the Golden Girls you 30-year-old-virgin. Party of the year, AND YOU MISSED IT!
Read on
Since its conception, Sony has repeatedly proclaimed that the PS3 was not a video game console, but clearly a computer. While this was mostly seen as just another pick up line in their long series of baffling attempts to woo the industry through bad PR and scary haircuts, it was one that Sony held close to heart. It’s tough to launch a $600 plastic box without having to save face somehow, and in this instance the plan was to classify it as something it clearly wasn’t.
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More: agent b, playstation, ps3, sony
Puppin’ Pickles, Pennsylvania - Today, a community mourns a fallen friend. Last night at 3AM, tragically, Smiles the Chimp took his own chimp life. Born to mother Chuckles, the Fun Blast Off Chimp, Smiles started his fruitful career at the tender age of 3, spinning bingo ball cages and clapping for old folks. “He really stole the show,” pronounced Ole Timothy Jerkins. “He also stole a medical cart of Amoxicillin. You try to accuse a smile like that. You just don’t have it in ya, sonny boy.” At age 4, Smiles was enlisted by traveling folk to perform at Jamborees. Smiles was on top of the known world, causing quite a fantastic commotion. But when you rattle enough bee hives, sometimes you’re gonna get stung. And Smiles was allergic to bees. The inevitable faithless day arrived. A top man at Sony order his secretary to get out off his bed and get hold of Smiles. “This Chimp brought his A game. If the chimp don’t like it, the kids don’t like it. This ain’t rocket science, bucko.” said Top Man at Sony. The downward spiral had begun.
Known mostly for being a shiny dumpster for half assed PS3 ports and a temporary halfway house for inevitably superior PS2 games, the PSP never really had many possessions to call its own. That’s about to “change” with the release of Feed the Homeless, a unique excursion into the every day life of your typical Meals On Wheels employee as he feeds starving polygonal street peasants and panhandlers. Shuffle them in from the cold, secure their typical bartering devices (like broken toasters, crystal meth and dirty, dirty porno tapes) and get them some food and coffee. You’ll spend hundreds of hours immersed in this fantastic world of giving! In fact, you may finally get a break from all those real world problems, like stank-ass old homeless people. Gross!
