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Archive for the " Thwomp The Vote " Category
After their 197th consecutive day of shrub clearing and man to man recreational duck hunting, Bob Omb and Bullet Bil (the current Mushroom Kingdom administration) held a laid back country press conference live from their Moo Moo Ranch vacation getaway. Thankfully, news stations and camera crews were one of the 5 things that Bob Omb didn’t completely destroy during his time in office and were just barely able to report the story without anyone going broke, getting flooded or losing their jobs.
In a heated and passionate race to the finish, policy change, hope and superior long jumping platform traversing abilities were victorious over archaic ideology and years of repeated Princess kidnappery. Our loyal readers let their voices be heard and elected Luigi by an unbelievable 75 percent, ushering in a new era for the Mushroom Kingdom. Luigi took to the stage and addressed the cheering crowd with the triumphant proclamation of “I’m-a-Luigi, number one!”
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Pollsters revealed today the predicted voting habits for this year’s Thwomp The Vote election, and Super Mario World is still split down the middle. The Forrest Of Illusion is, per usual, still woefully undecided. The mountainous southern heartlands of Chocolate Island are unanimously pro-Mario, while the leftist, coastal regions of Donut Plains and Butter Bridge are in full support of Luigi. However, the race could come down to a bunch of fake item boxes if the voting machine format isn’t worked out, and thousands of dedicated voters could be proverbially dropped into the hundreds of bottomless pits across the world.
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As poll numbers dwindle and things start to get down to the wire, Mario has launched a last minute gritty and offensive ad campaign against his opponent Luigi. The campaign consists of kingdom-high banner posters that highlight Mario’s history as a dignified, weathered soldier with experience and know how during times of war. Mario fortified the campaign by speaking at rallies after several Naskart racing events in his most supportive regions and blasting his adversary’s lack of familiarity with such a combative age. “Luigi is timid, he’s scared that he doesn’t know what he’ll do with this country. Just look at his legs shake when he jumps. The White House will be like an evil haunted ghost house to him.” Luigi, who has always run his campaign with positivity and optimism, vowed to “not leave a slew of banana peels behind” as he blazed forward on the trail towards election day. Only the history books will dictate which method of movement will be the more effective one. We’re just a few days away from flagpole, folks, and Thwomp The Vote will cover every minute of it, right down to the fireworks.
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Addressing a group of loyal followers at a rally in the hotly-contested swing level of Vanilla Dome, veep hopeful Daisy said that putting Mario and her into the Mushroom House was a “task from God.”
The group applauded her statement, seemingly ready for the divine mission placed before them. One especially devout supporter yelled, “I accept the Lord’s mission!” The righteousness took a turn for the negative, however, when the gathering started chanting in unison, “God hates Luigi!”
Daisy wasted no time appealing further to the rapturous crowd of Pro-Mario supporters, outlining various other “tasks from God” Mario and her needed help accomplishing.
As the campaign race between Mario and Luigi quickly approaches election day, a promotional war is being fought in the streets by each candidate’s supporters. Mario’s side has stuck to traditional means of spreading the word by relying on hateful television ads and borderline retarded right wing radio hosts to downplay his opponent, while Luigi’s camp has been utilizing grassroots style publicity pleas, bake sales, and drum circles. From the subterranean slums of the sewer stages to the glitzy riches of Star Road, it seems every inch of surface in the Mushroom Kingdom is being blanketed with advertising. Are Luigi’s supporters taking things too far? How will Mario’s historically slanderous street team clap back? And why the fuck is everyone in World 4 always undecided? Stay tuned for all these answers and more as our Thwomp The Vote ‘08 coverage continues!
With both campaigns hunkering down for the next few weeks and only one presidential debate remaining, pundits and spinsters are increasingly injecting their own opinions into this historic election. While we at The Minus World pride ourselves on being unbiased (this is a no-spin warp zone after all), it’s important to take a long, hard look at how the media, in light of Tuesday’s town hall debate, is seemingly attempting to color public opinion either red or green. Read on
As part of our continuing coverage of this monumental election, we’re bringing you our fair and balanced report on tonight’s Vice Presidential debate between Daisy and Toadsworth. The only debate scheduled between the two, this was seen by many as an important step for both contenders. This was where the pair could discuss their own ideas as well as solidify the platforms of their respective parties. Daisy played up her executive experience - from her entry into politics as the mayor of Frappe Snowland to her big move to governing the frigid Snow Cap galaxy - as Toadsworth relayed his long history serving the Mushroom Kingdom as the chairman of the Squad To Ally Regions committee, which seeks to unite disparate levels of the kingdom into a single world.
The stage was set for the two would-be Veeps. The chance to bolster support for their partners and prove to the public who was best suited for the job was here.
Every four years, we have a choice. A choice that determines the direction we as a country move. A choice that affects not only our country, but each and every country across the world. A choice now between two men, one of which will lead us as President of the United States of America. However, we’re not the only ones preparing to elect a new president. All across the Mushroom Kingdom patriotic citizens are intent to vote on the issues that matter to them: Warp Pipe reform, gold coin taxes, the threat of Koopa extremists, and bringing the Toad troops home.
Ladies and Gentlemen, The Minus World presents our “October Surprise”: Thwomp the Vote ‘08!
From now until November 4th when you, the people, will have the chance to vote for your candidate at Minus World Election HQ, we will be your #1 source of video game election news. Expect nothing but the most hard-hitting, unbiased reports on the candidates and their policies from our award-winning news team, starting right now with our exclusive coverage of last night’s first debate between Mario and Luigi.
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