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Toe Fu
FPCreator2000
The Retroist
Frank
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Archive for the " Toe Fu " Category
Fall has fell and the offerings of actually playable game releases on XBLA have come to a grinding halt. Sure we had a plasma sword incision to the wallet with the quality offerings of the Summer of XBLA, but like a drunken night of go-go grab-assery, the house lights eventually come on and all things rad must come to an end. These are the demo dog days of XBLA. If you can actually make it past 2.4 minutes into the trial of these games, or even worse dish out the digital duckets for them, then you must be the same dude who thinks that Brazilian g-string grinder you donated your Honda payment too will actually go back to your studio apartment with you for microwaved White Castle burgers and private choreographed crotch crunches. For your safety and sanity, here is a run down on some of the past few weeks offerings of downloadable diarrhea.
Since the dawn of man the ever present query “What hath nerd listen to whilst not gaming?” has perplexed bloated brains worldwide. Enter pioneering chiptune artists 8 Bit Weapon to solve that puzzlement with one fell synth swoop. The group, consisting of Seth, ComputeHer, and Melbot, have come to lead the Game Boy genre in retro revivalist rock. Party equipped with vintage gaming gear, the group has consistently provided old school gaming beats to the nerdcore massive. I recently had the chance to ask Seth a few questions about games and music. Be sure to check out 8bitweapon.com and level up your aural sensory receptors with their unique musical outputs.
A fresh teeny tiny adorable tombstone popped up in the gaming graveyard this week. Etched in granite, the newly-opened worm buffet reads, “Alicks Cidd.” The misspelling comes as no surprise, as even in death, this mini-mascot garners no respect.
Classic gaming is reeling from yet another loss of one of its most memorable members. Miniscule police mouse Mappy is believed to have been instantly vaporized after accidentally triggering an IED in a rural Alabama meth lab. The furry five-o was deep undercover and in the process of bringing down a local feline gang suspected of dealing high-grade cat crank. The death certificate has “killt by ‘splosion” listed as the cause of death. This did take place in Alabama after all.
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Judah Friedlander rules. Sporting his signature customized hats, super-sized corrective lenses, and deadpan delivery, this comedian always comes correct. Judah can not only be spotted in major film roles like American Splendor, Zoolander, Meet Dave, and Date Movie, but also in quality t.v. shows including Curb Your Enthusiasm, Flight of the Conchords, and cult favorite Wonder Showzen. He can also be seen dropping farcible quips on pop culture in Best Week Ever and also on one of the last remaining survivors of the genuinely funny sitcom, 30 Rock. Oh, and do yourself a solid and check out his stand up when he’s in your area. Judah was kind enough to take the time to answer some questions for us and chat about some retro gaming.
Not even a knight with a history of battling the undead can forever dodge the bony finger-banging touch of the Grim Reaper. It’s starting to seem like a weekly occurrence that yet another retro icon gets tightly tucked in for the big dirt-nap. This time we bid a final farewell to Arthur, the legendary bitch-slapper of ghouls, ghosts, and goblins.
Hanging ten on the current popularity wave of twin stick shooters comes the new octad directional shooter Hipster Holocaust. Combining the futuristic technology of digitized sprites and vector graphics, the infinite quest for lofty leaderboard high scores has reached such a level of extremity that can only be comparable to freebasing Mountain Dew while eschewing protection when in the carnal company of a date you met on Craigslist.
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More: Toe Fu, fake games, xbox360
During a fervent session of Punch Out, not-so-virile teen Kevin Keene was unwittingly sucked into his 12” Sears Roebuck brand television set and thrust into the Nintendo-themed world of Videoland. Quickly realizing the daily routine of female rejection and soiled Bugle Boys he endured in the real world didn’t apply in Videoland, he happily settled into his new environment. Freshly armed with a chic Power Pad belt buckle and Zapper light gun, he adopted the moniker Captain N and elevated his status to superstar in this new realm of licensed characters.
Mourners filled Russia’s Red Square today to celebrate the life and passing of beloved local hero Jinborov Karnovski. The celebrated circus strongman turned side-scrolling fireball loogy lobber was discovered in his home floating face up in a bathtub full of home distilled potato vodka. The Moscow coroner’s office reported his liver was recovered stowed away on a nuclear submarine trying to flee from the daily dousing of the clear and potent homebrew. The KGB has not yet filed charges against the body abandoning organ. It was last seen skewered with sippy straws and being surrounded by burly men sporting furry hats.
An insanely intoxicated father and son duo led New Jersey State Police on a high-speed chase that crossed 5 county lines and lasted nearly 2 hours late Saturday night. The situation started at the Lincoln Tunnel where Patrol Officer Mook Tanner spotted a floating purple space Cadillac rocketing out of the center tunnel, clocking in at approximately “pretty fuckin’ fast” MPH. After shaking off the initial shock of witnessing such a pimp deep ride in action, Officer Tanner called in the convertible’s license plate “STIKYBALZ”, requested back up, and the chase was on.
